


Albeit Your Sins

by Droneshard



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: 80 percent smut 10 percent fluff and 10 percent WHY, Angst, Bloodplay, Choking, Cunilingus, Dom Kylo Ren, F/F, F/M, Fingering, Fluff, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Mask on, Masturbation, Mind Reading, Multi, Smut, THATS NOT A DILDO, Traitor, Violent Sex, breath play, canon huge dong, face fucking, force push, my boyfriend wanted me to name this frisky on the finalizer, possible dubcon, pre tfa, questionable use of a lightsaber, smut guaranteed every three chapters, sub Reader, that kylo ren is shredded, tumblr made me do this, welcome to the feel train, word heavy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-22
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-06-10 03:01:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6936709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Droneshard/pseuds/Droneshard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As an officer to the First Order you've pledged your sole allegiance to the galactic super power. When your life unexpectedly gets flipped upside down you find yourself faced with obstacles that place you head to head against the formidable Kylo Ren. Your anger for the situation flung straight towards him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Mistake

You never got tired of hearing her voice. Even if it scratched in and out through the headset so you only caught half of what she was saying. You gave a small grin, resting your elbow on your desk as you stared down bored out of your skull at the small red blips on the screen in front of you. You didn't mind another slow day, as long as you could still hear her. You ran a finger over the small red dot to your right; that was the TIE fighter she was on, billions of miles away from here on the outer rim.

Sadness gripped at your heart, it had been three weeks since you’d seen her last. She’d been handpicked by Kylo Ren himself to lead the team that you now followed closely on the screen in front of you; the small dots blinking to show each TIE fighter hurtling through space.

“Lexy,” you interrupted as she began jabbering on again, unaware that she had changed the subject yet again. There was a crackled laugh on the other end and she scolded your name fondly. “How much longer until you come back?” you asked quietly, cupping the microphone close to your mouth, hoping no one noticed your unusual behavior.

Lexy sighed deeply on the other end, “I don’t know.” Your heart fell, you stared fixated on the red dot leading the pack as if you could see her strapped into the fighter with the grin she always seemed to have plastered on her face. “I’m sorry you know I can’t tell you anything,” she muttered glumly to which you replied a hurried apology. The mission was covert but you had a sneaking feeling of what they were searching for though you didn’t dare even think it unless in the privacy of your quarters.

You drummed your fingers on your desk, biting at the inside of your cheek. You’d had this fight before she’d left. You hadn’t even visited her to say goodbye. This was the first time the both of you had been separated since the academy and it was killing you. Starkiller base held no love for you and though you were one of two people keeping constant contact with the squad you had never felt more alone. You’d begged her to stay but she refused. This was her time to shine. Commander Ren had picked her out from the rest and she wouldn’t disappoint him. You knew the Commander was right to pick her; she was the best pilot on Starkiller but you had still fought her to stay.

“I miss you,” you mumbled, staring at your fingernails and picking the dirt from under them. “I can’t sleep without you next to me,” you said in a whisper, your mouth cracking slightly at the sides.

She gave a laugh, the kind that always melted you from the inside out. “I love you too,” you could picture the goofy grin she’d be sporting, throwing back her head; her blonde hair spilling out of its’ messy bun within her loose helmet. You covered your mouth with your hand, hiding a smile of your own. You glanced around you, making sure no one had been watching and drained the emotion of your face. After all they didn’t know; couldn’t know.

Relationships within The First Order were forbidden. Not that a single fleet member followed by it but if you were caught you’d be ripped apart and sent to opposite quadrants. You’d been with Lexy ever since you can remember, you grew up together. She went from your best friend to becoming your lover. There had been no one else but Alexa. You never wanted anyone else but her.

You glanced back at the screen, two dots coming in from the west towards the squadron. “Lexy there are two TIE fighters approaching at breakneck speed,” you warned, clicking on the control panel in front of you. You scrunched your nose up in confusion; neither of these fighters had been authorized into this quadrant. You flicked a switch, clearing your throat before speaking mechanically into the microphone. “2186 and 2914 you have entered a restricted zone, return to base immediately,” you flipped off the switch and waited for a reply but static met you on the other side. The TIE fighters were heading straight towards Lexy.

“Alexa two ships from the west, take immediate defensive action,” your voice shook as you practically yelled into the mic. Your hands curling hard around the edge of your desk as you watched the two dots approach closer to the team. You flicked back to the unidentified flyers channel, hands shaking as you pushed the button to speak, “I repeat: 2186 and 2914 change your course immediately or you will be met with fire!” More static; your heart froze.

“Lexy get out of there, please!” you begged as you switched back to her channel, frantically watching as the two groups met. There was a scream in your ear and the connection dropped. The flickers of the dots on the radar were dropping out one by one as the group scattered. You stood from your seat, your chair falling backwards into the aisle behind you. Three more ships had joined the two TIE fighters; they were X-wings.

 “No!” you hissed, the tears already streaming down your face as you collapsed onto your knees. You watched as the team was picked off, Lexy no match for the three X-wings on her tail. You could feel your heart moving up into your throat. She was born for this; she was the best pilot on this side of the galaxy. But another two X-wings had appeared from light-speed and she was no match against them. You watched as her dot made a final blip and disappeared. She was gone; the whole squadron had been wiped out.

You stared at the screen as it went blank, unable to move from your spot on the floor. Your fingers still clutching the edge of your desk as you struggled to catch your breath and suppress the tears. You had to report to General Hux immediately to follow protocol. You sat there another ten minutes gathering yourself together as you continually frayed at the seams. You stood up and righted your chair before ejecting the consoles memory chip and attaching it to your data pad. Your hands were quivering and you gripped to the pad desperately.

Wiping away the last of your tears you marched off towards the command center and dreaded each foot fall. You grit your teeth together; you had to keep yourself level headed. You loved Alexa but if you were brought in for emotional evaluation they could make you forget her instantly. The thought of forgetting her completely held you together as you stood waiting to gain clearance inside.

You counted your breaths as you approached the General. You had interacted with him only twice before and both times you vowed to never be in the situation where you’d have to again. “General Hux,” you greeted him with a short bow before handing him the data pad. You hoped he didn’t notice the streaks of sweat coating it. He flipped through it with a frown before handing it back.

“Report this to Kylo Ren immediately, this is _his_ division,” Hux teemed obviously irked, his jaw grinding back and forth.

You stared at him blankly, the data pad shaking in your hands. “C-commander Ren, sir?” you stared at Hux blankly, making an obvious fool out of yourself in the middle of the command center.

“Must I repeat myself officer?” Hux snipped and you shook your head hastily, giving a respectful bow and bolting from the command center. You glanced behind you to see the ginger haired man storm off moodily.

A pit was building in your stomach; you knew exactly where you’d find Commander Kylo Ren at this hour in the day. Your legs dragged you there, your pace slowing drastically. It had already been twenty minutes past and the commander would surely not look upon this kindly. He wouldn’t look upon the entire calamity with anything but rage.

You traded the data pad from each hand as you wiped the sweat from your palms onto your dress. Inside of you a chasm had grown. The last man to bring Ren bad news had been decapitated. The one before had been strangled; the wounds from his lightsaber still unrepaired in the ship’s hull. You’d be next.

Alexa was gone and you’d be there soon after her. You almost welcomed it. You’d often dreamed of defecting, running away somewhere to have a simple life. One where you could finally give the woman of your dreams the ring fastened to the chain around your neck.  You’d intended to give it to her on her arrival back to base. Now it held like a lead weight around your throat.

He had picked her, why did he have to pick her. The pit in you grew into a seed of rage. This was Kylo Ren’s fault. You had been perfectly happy until he dragged her away from you and sent her on a fool’s errand galaxies away. He didn’t follow the hierarchy of the First Order instead acting as a tyrant commanding anything that he deemed expendable. He was a child stepping on ants in your mind.

You picked up pace, eager to expend all of your pent up rage before he quelled the life from your lungs. A second part of you begged to stop; to flee. To renounce your loyalties to the First Order and live another day; the thought was gnawing in you louder as you stood outside of the Stormtrooper flanked doors of the Conference Hall. It was at this time of day Commander Ren often visited Supreme Leader Snoke. Your hands were shaking visibly now.

“I am here to report to Commander Ren,” you announced timidly to the two Stormtroopers standing guard. To your relief and dread he had recently returned on the command shuttle and was still in the hangers. You checked your watch; thirty minutes past. You took off at a run, your heels clicking against the tile as you made the tedious journey towards the commander’s hanger.

He was still inside of the Command Shuttle when you arrived, now forty minutes after the initial incident. You stood staring timidly at the shuttle’s entrance; afraid to enter without permission. The commander’s usual flank of Knights of Ren had since dispersed and you knew if you entered you’d be there alone.

You eyed the corridor to the next hanger, mind running frantic. You could run. You’d be a traitor but you’d live. You bit at your lip nervously before turning back to the shuttle. Your legs unsteady as your heels clicked against the ship’s steel floors. You’d stopped breathing entirely as you stopped short. You could see him from just around the corner bent over the ship’s control panel. Your blood ran cold, your feet taking a hesitant step back; the data pad threatening to spill from your hands.

You’d forgotten how massive his figure was even from this distance. Only having truly seen the Commander once in passing when reporting to General Hux. The rage melted from you and fear sprouted in its place.

You took a step back, your heels clicking noisily and his masked head turned. You took in a shuddered breath, your chest seizing uncontrollably. His cloak billowed around him as he took a step in your direction. You couldn’t move; your mind was screaming at you to run but the more you tried the more impossible it became. He approached you, his form casting you in shadow. Your mouth spluttered to find words, your eyes tracing over the black gash in his visor. “C-Commander,” you finally spit out, your lips quivering as you held out the data pad towards him.

“You did not have authorization to enter my ship,” his voice buzzed mechanically, the modulator in his mask warping it. It sent a shiver down your spine and you gaped at him dumbly. Finding it impossible to find words you took another step back, desperate to expand the distance between you.

Your thoughts returning to Alexa and the ring around your throat accompanied by the unyielding rage and despair of the loss of your lover. You shoved the data pad out towards him with vigor. “Fleet 79 have fallen to rebel fire, sir,” your teeth clenched, spitting out the words tightly. Your eyes now watching his leather encased fingers slipping around the hilt of his saber.

The screech was deafening as his lightsaber ignited. He swung it and you crumpled backwards, falling to the floor. But he had not struck at you. The lights flickered into darkness as his blade cut an arch into the overhead lights and continually bounded against the nearest wall, sending a shower of sparks dancing across the floor. His breath was ragged, the modulator cutting in and out as he returned it dormant at his side.

You let out the breath you were holding. You’d survived the Commander’s childish tantrum. You watched as he bent down retrieving the data pad that had skid next to him, the light of the pad reflecting off of his mask in the darkness. He looked from the pad back up at you, stretching a gloved hand forward towards you.

There was a pressure around your throat and your body lurched forward towards him. His hand forming around your throat as he suspended you from the ground. Your hands pawed at his hold, legs kicking wildly as you choked against him. “Fifty minutes to report,” he spat, his hand crushing against your wind pipe.

You could see your reflection in his mask, eyes bulging out of your skull as you struggled to breathe. “C-c…commander,” you choked, searching for the eyes that must exist behind the masks’ exoskeleton. “Please…” you begged, your lungs finally having run out of air.

He threw you back into the still sparking wall of the ship, his hand still wrapped around your throat. “Your thoughts speak loudly to me,” his grip flexed and you let out a strangled whine. “Traitorous above all else.”

Sweat was dribbling down your forehead as you stared up at him. “No, please,” you whimpered, tears forming in your eyes.

He tilted his head to the side, the muzzle of his mask nearly pressing against you. “Shall I dig deeper?” he mocked and a pressure erupted behind your temples causing you to yelp, your eyes squeezing shut from the painful intrusion. He pressed harder until you knew he could see everything; your rage, your loss, and the fear consuming you by his presence. You tried to force him out and though he momentarily wavered there was no way to extract him. You buckled to the invasion of Kylo Ren’s mind within yours, now bear for his viewing pleasure.

He let out a throaty chuckle and the pain dissipated as you blinked against the tears struggling to look up at him. A carnal rumble stirred within you, it increased as the pressure of his hand had you once more choking for air. The pressure peaked inside of you and you let out an anguished moan you couldn’t stifle.

An animalistic growl ripped through the air as Ren slammed you back against the ship. His second leathered hand ripping your hair back to stare up at him. His body pressed tightly up against yours, trapping you against the ship. Your hands were still laced weakly around the hand he was savagely using to bruise your throat; proving useless against his assault. Your mouth held open, your lips quivering at the edges.

“I could make you forget her,” he threatened, his voice so soft the modulator buzzed in and out of life around his lips. You struggled frantically in his hold causing his grip to tighten as you shrieked out against him. You sang out a screech of curses that were warped by your constricted windpipe. You were almost certain he was grinning by his next lit, “You wish to destroy me- _pathetic_.”

He tossed you to the side and you crashed to the floor. His boots clicking as he left you bruised and broken in the belly of his vessel. Choking on fresh breath you stared after him, a new wave of rage washing over you. You crawled to your knees, body already beginning to stiffen from the new growing ache.

You listened until the click of his boots was no longer audible. Releasing a hoarse sob as you bowed your head in shame. Dragging yourself to your feet you began the dishonorable walk back to your quarters; your hair plastered with sweat to your forehead, the angry red hand mark teeming around your throat, and the crestfallen tears still drying on your cheeks. Kylo Ren had no need to take your life; he was already killing you slowly.

 

You intended to return to your duties immediately. Arriving fifteen minutes early to your shift only to be turned away. You’d been reassigned.

Storming off towards the Command Center you waited to be granted clearance to meet with General Hux. He’d requested for you by name; you hadn’t even known he knew it. As you entered he called you over with a snap and you slunk to his side. “As your outpost is no longer needed you are being reassigned to the Finalizer,” his nasal voice practically snorted as his scrutinizing glass blue glare ran over you. Though you’d put in over an hour of time to cover up the shape of Ren’s hand on your throat it still teemed an angry red even through three layers of makeup. Averting your eyes you glanced down at the data pad held in Hux’s hands, your career synopsis was displayed on the screen. “I understand you were based on Naboo as an informant for two years,” he glanced down at the pad, scrolling through the information on the screen before pausing. “And a successful pilot in the academy before switching fields.”

Nodding deftly you allowed him to continue. “Unbeknownst to Supreme Leader Snoke and his _apprentice_ ,” he spat out the last word with venom. “I am in need of an officer to keep an eye on the Commander as an informant.”

Blanking at his statement you shook your head deftly your voice dropping low, “Naboo was watching over the senate – _not Jedi Killers_.”

Hux’s eyebrows rose at your rejection. “It is not a choice, you will board the Finalizer and inform me of the actions of Commander Ren, or we will be forced to send you for an emotional assessment,” his words held the threat you knew you could not challenge. Someone else had known without the need to force inside your head as Ren had. It hung around your throat like a noose.

“Y-yes sir,” you stuttered, your gaze dropping to your feet. You couldn’t believe your nerve – back talking to the General. He handed you a packet with your name labeled across the front in bold black letters. You held it gingerly between your palms, weighing the package and the responsibilities that would come with it. “Thank you sir,” you announced robotically.

Hux turned on his heel away from you before pausing and glancing back over his shoulder, “you are over qualified at best; do not disappoint me.” You gave a small bow and exited the command center.

Staring down at the package as you walked, your thumb brushing over the bold imprint of your name on the top. Only looking up as a swish of black robes stormed past you. You stopped to a standstill your legs frozen in place, the package hugged tightly to your chest. The loud click of his boots fading into the distance before you felt safe enough to steal a glimpse back at him. He’d pushed so easily into your mind the previous day – what would stop him once he found out what you were up to.

It was a struggle to walk calmly back to your quarters. You could have run with all your might and still could not make it there fast enough to quell the tears before they came. Bowing your head you trudged down the steps towards the lower bunkers where the rest of the low rank officers rest their heads at night. You paused in front of your door, not wanting to enter where you knew she would never return. You rest your head against the cold metal and attempted to collect yourself. It was midday and no one was around to watch you fall apart in the middle of the corridor. Your cheek pressed to the metal as you collapsed to the ground, brain pounding against your skull as you let out the sobs you had been forced to suppress the night before.

Minutes passed before you drew away from the door defeated, resolute that you would return later with the strength to face your lodgings for the final time. Brushing the tears from your cheeks you strode towards the hangers. You did not have clearance to escape into the forests surrounding Starkiller base to hang your head, forced to find the next best thing. As a pilot you had always loved the marvel of the docked ships looming overhead waiting to take flight at your command. Now they encompassed you in shadow, filling your thoughts with unease at the thought of leaving all your memories here behind.

Stopping at a row of lockers you hurriedly peered from side to side before punching in a code to the locker before you. It was empty except for a spare TIE fighter pilot’s helmet and an extra uniform top that had been jammed inside of the helmet. With trembling hands you retrieved them, shutting the locker with teeth grit.

Cradling the helmet to your breast you slunk back towards your bunker. Once inside you placed the helmet delicately on the bed and the package from General Hux along beside it. Taking a seat next to them you pulled the uniform from the helmet and rung it tenderly between your hands. This was all you had left of her; a spare TIE fighter helmet and a uniform she had neglected to return before her departure. You held a glimmer of a smile Lexy had been the most forgetful sort to the point it drove you mad.

Reaching for the helmet you placed it over your head. It was a size too small but if using it meant you could refuse the standard issued one you’d be provided then you would gladly endure the headache it would eventually give you. You removed it before you could smear the inside of the lenses with the tears that were threatening to give way. Flopping back onto the bed you held your hands over your face, smothering the ugly sob that escaped you.

Grieving was natural. But it meant she was truly gone and right now you refused to accept that. How many times had she mended you after heart break only to now bring the final blow to destroy your world entirely.

Your hand grazed over the tender flesh of your throat and you let out a low groan. It had already started to bruise and it would be blacker than your fleet uniform from the look of things. Despite the pain you drew your digits over it, tracing where it ended and began. Your breath deepened and the unfamiliar sensation flooded through you. The pain mingling with the deep unset desire that was now coursing through your veins.

You snapped your fingers away, confused at your body’s reaction. The thought of Kylo Ren’s leather covered fingers enclosing around your throat kindling an unwarranted yearning you couldn’t shake.  Ignoring the itch between your thighs you rolled off of the bed and marched directly into the shower. Cranking the setting to cold as you stood fully clothed beneath the stream. What the ever living fuck was wrong with you. He had intended to kill you and here you were dousing away the lust clinging to your skin. Not to mention it hadn’t even been a full twenty four hours since Alexa had been blasted to pieces. You tried to feel the shame that should be nestled somewhere deep in your breast but your thoughts only returned to Ren’s leather covered digits.

The water was numbing your skin except your throat where the skin began to burn from the waters contact. You leaned against the wall of the shower, hand gripping where he had and feeling the primal urge surge through you. Your other hand creeping down to hike up your dress around your hips. The need to dispel your arousal bordering feverish. Your fingers paused at the hem of your panties. Were you really about to do this? Slamming your fist angrily against the shower tile you twisted the water off, your body now frozen. Wrapping a towel around your chest you fell heavily back into bed, the towel doing little to soak the moisture from your water-logged clothes still clinging against your skin.


	2. The Regretting Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Transferring and leaving everything behind wouldn't be easy. Neither would dealing with the tail end of a storm Hux had no idea was brewing.

How you fell asleep chilled to the bone you couldn’t remember. You woke with a start from insistent hammering coming from the other side of your door. You dragged to your feet, feeling more exhausted than you could ever remember being. You parted the door, taking a quick glance at your visitor before opening the door completely. “Captain?” you mumbled groggily.

  
The Stormtrooper loomed in your doorway obviously failing to dispel the shock at your appearance. “The command shuttle departed at 0700, ten minutes ago, for the Finalizer – without you on it,” you could tell their voice was clipped even through their modulator.

  
“The command shuttle?” you frowned before the notion dawned on you. Commander Ren’s command shuttle. You hadn't even bothered to open the package General Hux had handed to you. “Captain I…” you stuttered though you knew you had no excuse to provide.

  
They held a hand out and your jaw fused shut. “Given the nature of these circumstances I will allow you a second chance, Alexa was one hell of a pilot,” your eyes fell and you gave a nod. Alexa had made many friends among the First Order and for the first time you were thankful for her social personality. “I will arrange a TIE fighter for you for 0800, report to Commander Ren immediately after your arrival.” Great, another thing to look forward to today.

  
You thanked the Captain profusely before closing the door and stumbling into the bathroom. You were an absolute disaster. Your hair had matted to the back of your neck and though your clothes had dried they peeled off your skin as you shuffled them off. You didn’t dare study the bruise forming rapidly beneath your skin and instead pulled on a shirt that hid all but the two marks of Ren’s index and middle finger jutting out just over the collar.

  
After you were presentable you collected the small pile of your belongings and stuffed them into the small travel bag you had been left. Resting it over your shoulder you half ran to the hangers. You were out of breath as you spoke in hushed tones with the engineers on this block. At the end of the hanger there had been a TIE fighter reserved for you and you once again thanked the Captain for his sympathy.

  
Mounting the ship you promptly threw on your flight uniform. Fastening the buckles of your leather gloves around your wrists and flexing your hands as the leather responded to you as a second skin. You sat down in the pilot’s seat, eager to put the entire day behind you already. Dragging your bag over you fished out Lexy’s old helmet. Rubbing your thumb gently over the bridge of its’ snout before plopping it on your head and finishing flight preparation.

  
It would be an easy flight to the Finalizer, a course you didn’t even have to bother mapping out. You signaled the command deck for your departure and once granted you took off towards your destination. After you had cleared Starkiller’s atmosphere you switched the ship to autopilot as you dug out the package you’d left sealed in the top compartment of your bag. You ripped it open, the contents spilling onto your lap. You wouldn’t have time to read it all but you skimmed what you could before you were forced to switch off autopilot and request permission to dock on the Finalizer.

  
The information on the three sheets you’d made it through was less than favorable. You’d been promoted to Captain on the Finalizer, an honor to most but you knew it was simply a cover that Hux had eagerly provided. Your duties were mainly supervision and your commanding officer was none other than the man you had been sent to nark. You were to report any and all suspicions and evidence directly to Hux; travelling back to Starkiller base once a week to relay your summary in person. If you were unable to do so for any means you had been set up for a com-link with the general.

  
As you stuffed the papers back into the envelope you prayed that one of them contained the information of protocol for what you’d be expected to do when the Commander discovered what you were up to. You had no doubt in your mind that Ren would snuff out Hux’s plot. The commander was not as daft and tactless as the general assumed.  
To your relief an officer was stationed in your hanger as your guide. You knew the schematics of the gargantuan vessel but this was your first expedition onto the Star Destroyer. You followed him in silence as he led you to the bridge, keeping in step next to the younger officer. Despite the captains order’s on Starkiller Base you had decided to delay your interaction with Commander Ren. It was an unwise decision you knew but in order to appear covert you’d be forced to learn shift rotations.  
Shifts were split into six four-hour long segments mediated by three Captains for each sector. Due to the rather unique nature of your own placement you would have free reign as to when your shifts began and ended. This would mean you would spend nearly every waking hour of your day overseeing the different sectors to ensure the utmost efficiency of the vessel. How General Hux expected you to complete such an unattainable target while keeping constant tabs of Commander Ren left your head spinning. You already had your hands full pulling together the overzealous demands that this position had thrust upon you.

  
By the time your debriefing had ended you’d developed a stitch throbbing behind each of your temples. It was now 1200 hours and you knew without a doubt that you could no longer stall reporting to Commander Ren. Your fingers clung to the helmet now resting at your side. First you’d deposit your meagre belongings into your quarters and change out of your flight uniform. The escorting officer was more than eager to show you to your lodgings but you declined, you’d find them on your own.  
You held the data pad by your side, referencing the notes you’d installed from your debriefing. Your helmet bouncing against your thigh as you walked. Fourth deck room 641. You’d expected to be housed on the lower regions of the ship along with the rest of the lower ranked officer’s just two decks above the housings of Stormtroopers. Instead you’d been given quarters one deck below the senior officers. Everything about the Finalizer was hulking and maze-like.  
You’d dumped your belongings onto the centre of your bed and changed into your officer’s uniform. A crest now presented above your breast to signify your status. You now could access any sector of the Finalizer without question. You were starting to question your qualification.

1300 hours. Shit. Five hours had passed since you’d arrived here. Five hours past when you were to report directly to Commander Ren. You felt the ache in your bones and struggled to commit to your responsibilities. There was no doubt in your mind he’d come down on you mercilessly. You’d reported to him fifty minutes too late two days ago, what punishment would five hours merit.

  
You had no clue where you’d possibly start besides following the plasma carvings in the ship’s hull. On a blind whim you followed your instincts to retrace your steps back to the Bridge. Your feet dragging against the steel floors; you were still exhausted. If you got this over with and lived you’d be able to return to your quarters and fall under the sweet numbness of sleep.

  
On the bridge you began scanning through flight logs. Your leather gloves causing your palms to sweat as you entered the days date and the flight class you wished to observe. Commander Ren’s shuttle had not yet docked onto the Finalizer – but it had been given permission to board just minutes ago. You bit the inside of your cheek until the skin went numb. He hadn't even been on the Star Destroyer this entire time. You were already failing at keeping up with his activity.  
The log had limited information on the Commander’s comings and goings. It stated the time of his departure and arrival. If you hoped to get anything more you’d be forced to take a closer look. You’d start with the engineers on that deck. If they could not offer you anything more, then you would steal to the command shuttle and wrestle through decoding to find the information you sought for. It would be a dangerous task; you must ensure that the deck was mostly unmanned – perhaps during the overnight shift change. You mustn't leave a trace that you had been there. Normally such a task would have been considered remedial in your eyes. But this was not one of those circumstances.

  
There were no schematics of Commander Ren’s shuttle that you could find on file. Even the maintenance files showed such brief summary that you knew you’d have to search the vessel in person. This was even more dangerous of a thought. You had very few restrictions on the Finalizer but the Command Shuttle was still considered a restricted area. If Ren were to find out you were skulking around his transport you shuttered to think what the Commander may do to you – the thought of plasma sliding through your limbs like butter came close to mind.

  
The screen flashed to life, the Commander’s shuttle had just begun docking procedures. Gathering what little wit you had left you dashed from the Bridge as fast as your legs could carry you. Praying that the Commander would overlook the anxieties screaming from behind your skull. You still had a job to do.  
You arrived only moments before the Command Shuttle’s nose split and the loading ramp slammed to the floor. You stood with your back straight, your data pad clutched in an iron grasp at your side. Your chin held high as you waited for the Commander to disembark. Perspiration was clinging to your collar as you waited the agonizing minutes that passed. Ignoring the invitation to shift your body’s weight from side to side.

  
You’d just glanced down at the data pad nestled against your side as the clack of footsteps echoed from the innards of the command shuttle. Your heart hammering in your chest as your whole body tensed. A breath caught in the base of your sternum as he appeared – the sight of him enough to render your mind blank. He walked with purpose, his shoulders hulked forward as robes billowed around his powerful strides. His gloved hands clenched tightly into fists at his sides. You thought he would brush right past you but as you went to take in a quivering breath his gaze snapped straight onto yours and his direction shifted, his long strides taking him before you in less than three steps.  
The data pad clattered to the floor out of your slick hands causing you to startle. Not daring to bend down and reach for it next to the Commander’s feet. “Commander Ren,” your voice was level though the heaving in your chest threatened to turn it into a squeak unless you clipped your words short.

  
It felt as if he were staring directly through you. He made no gesture to show he had heard you and before you went to repeat yourself he was bending at the knees to collect your data pad. His hood falling back to reveal the chrome dome of the mask fastened around his head. Your eyes fixated on his hands as they curled around the data pad – the hands you had imagined tightly around your throat more times than you could count at this point. You gulped down the saliva pooling under your tongue as he slowly stood, his masked gaze levelled with yours seconds before he was once more towering over you. You craned your neck to stare up at the muzzle of his mask and nearly dropped the pad all over again as he pressed it back into your outstretched hand. His fingers tracing against your own and the contact had your gut wrenching back and forth.  
Your knees felt weak as he drawled your name, your hand crushing against the data pad so tightly you risked shattering the screen. “You were to report to my vessel at 0700 hours this morning, were the instructions provided unclear?” you shook your head in response, gaping at something to respond with but nothing came to mind; nothing except the ache already building in your groin. “General Hux was adamant of your promotion but I am starting to see the mistake he has made.”  
Your jaw clenched in a locked position, he was baiting you for a reaction. “My apologies Commander,” you mumbled so quietly you were unsure if you’d simply thought the words.

  
You’d be sure to report to the General the moment Ren was out of sight. Yes, you’d disobeyed your orders to accompany the Commander but in turn learned that it had taken him five hours to arrive aboard the Finalizer. At least it was something worth noting though you had no concrete evidence as to where the Commander had taken off to. This you would also see to once you were sure the area was clear.

  
There was little more you wanted than to leer the information Ren had neatly handed to you before him. The resentment for the man rolling off of you in waves. You were sure he could sense it.

  
“You would do well to keep your emotions in check, Captain,” Ren sneered, his hand clenching at his side; your focus shifting automatically to the movement of his tightening fingers. Your eyes shot back up to the cleft in his mask. You were making your distractions obvious.

  
You licked at your bottom lip, trying to regain your concentration. The more you allowed your emotions to slip from your grasp the more likely the Commander was to perceive the true motives that had sent you from Starkiller base. The burn in your abdomen had increased significantly, your mouth salivating as you stole another glance at his gloved fingers. You couldn’t become a grovelling puddle of need; you’d deal with your body’s treachery later.

  
This motivation was lost as his hand lurched forward, ripping down the collar of your shirt to expose the hand mark you had refused to cover earlier this morning. Your ears were burning as you gaped down at his digits ripping into the fabric; the fibres tearing from the force and carving a gash in the cloth. Your chest heaving as his fingers grazed over the damaged skin before covering the replica of his anger with his constricting vice. His thumb pressing down so hard on your windpipe you felt it might stab a hole right through your skin. Your lungs struggled with the labour of sucking in air through your crushed trachea.

  
“I do not welcome disobedience in my presence,” he added calmly, all of his rage sinking into the digits clawing into the putty of your throat. To this you did not struggle, your only reaction being the crack your taunt pressure on your data pad had lengthened along the screen. There was a bubble building in your rib cage as you fought the moan that so desperately sought to push past your pursed lips. As if sensing your desires the pressure dropped and your knees buckled beneath you, smashing into the metal flooring, “you have wasted enough of my time.” You let out a hiss of pain, head bowed towards the ground. Ren hovered over you his weight shifting to his opposite foot. “Do not over think my mercy,” he warned before spinning on his heel, the sound of his foot falls dropping out into the distance.

  
You stayed on the floor another minute to slow your rapid pulse. You couldn’t continue to provoke him like this. It was rattling your sanity. Struggling from your knees you brushed off the dirt that had gathered onto your uniform and fought to hide the tear in your shirt behind the lapel of your jacket unsuccessfully. You’d had spectators from the incident and normally you would have rounded on them but due to the circumstances you slunk off feeling the burn returning to your cheeks.

  
You would show Kylo Ren you were not someone to trifle with and you would deliver General Hux whatever he wished in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Smut quite yet. Next chapter I promise!
> 
> Also I was having difficulties getting the spacing to work out on Ao3 since I write everything out in word - SORRY!


	3. The Command Shuttle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deciding to take matters into your own hands you plan to infiltrate the Command Shuttle to find information on Ren's where abouts. Little do you know your sneaking around might just land you in hot water.

You hadn’t slept a wink since you’d returned to your chambers. The Finalizer was frigid in comparison with Starkiller Base and you’d piled on your thick flight jacket to keep from shivering. It was 2300 hours and you had another half hour to wait before the decks would begin clearing before the next shift change at midnight. Your nerves were already starting to get the best of you. Even if you were able to bypass the security system of the Command Shuttle you’d still have a total of twenty minutes to get both in and out without detection or risk being stuck inside until the next shift change at 0400 hours. That is if all went well.

Without any idea of the blueprints of the ship you were growing doubts. You’d been inside for all of five minutes, four of which Ren had been suffocating you. But the prospect of discovering something useful to report to Hux kept you in high spirits. You’d finally be able to pay the bastard back - if all went as planned.

Prying off the warmth of your flight jacket you changed into the regulated officer’s uniform you had become accustom to on Starkiller Base. Tomorrow you would turn in your old uniforms for the updated senior officer’s uniform that you now required.  Fastening the temporary clip you had been given signifying your senior officer status to the chest of your jacket you were ready to depart.  Taking a moment to slip your blaster pistol in the holster on your thigh beneath your uniform; simply being a comfort knowing the hard metal digging into you could be used at a moment’s notice.

 

As you’d calculated the docking bay was mostly empty now. A group of storm troopers had huddled in the corner slacking off, voices raised as they jeered between each other. Your presence went by unnoticed. The Captain on this deck either departed early or was at the other side of the station finishing their rounds.

The Command Shuttle sat dormant off in its own secluded corner exactly where you had seen it last. The loading ramp still gaping open for you to easily slip into. You hadn’t expected it to be so simple. Making sure no eyes were on you, you mounted the ramp, silently entering the belly of the mechanical beast.

You took a quick note of the entire ship. A pilot and co-pilot seat sat up front separated from the rest of the ship. Behind sat two rows of seats mounted to the inside of the walls. Two rooms branched off from either side after the seats; the left was locked and the right opened to a long table with multiple chairs and a hologram projector mounted in the middle of the table.  There were another two rooms that were also locked down by the ship’s entrance. So far you would be able to do very little exploration without powering up the ship and that was out of question.

Sitting in the Pilot’s seat you drew up the ship’s database to find it encrypted. You’d expected as much.  Ren was hardly stupid enough to leave it unprotected from prying eyes such as your own. You spent the next ten minutes trying to crack the encryption with no luck. There was a chance you could by pass the system but it would require taking a chunk of the control panel apart. You only had a meager five minutes left unless you settled in for another four hours of waiting until shift change.

Headstrong you decided to stay; unwilling to leave empty handed. You bent over the control panel, releasing the connecting latches at the back to pop off the top third of the panel around the data screens. You placed the metal piece to the side by your feet before diving into the circuitry. The system was far more complex than you had been acquainted with. After several tries you sat back in the pilot seat irritably. You weren’t leaving here with nothing to show for it. Stifling a yawn you tried to break the encryption by hand for a final time coming up empty.  

In order to get any farther on this you’d have to come back with a series of tools to eject the server box from the heart of the console. It would be a messy job that you’d need a minimum of two hours to complete and it didn’t guarantee success. You rubbed at your temples spreading a line of grease onto your face. You stowed your grease covered gloves into your pocket, your fingernails drumming on the edge of the control panel.

0200 hours, you felt like you’d been here for at least a decade. You hauled the metal covering of the control panel back in place, making sure it was secured and the system would still function after all of your tinkering. The last thing you needed was a malfunction alerting an engineer to your actions when the shuttle failed to meet pre-flight inspections.

You relaxed back into the pilot’s seat, unable to do anything but wait the next hour and a half for the docking bay to clear out. Your head lulling back as your eyes drifted shut.  God you were exhausted. The emotional and physical tribulations of the past two days were wearing you thin. As long as you were forced to spy over Commander Ren you doubted there’d be much stability in your day to day activity. Curling up in the seat you rest your head against your chest until you became a small ball. At least the Commander’s ship was warmer than your quarters.

You didn’t heart it. The small clicks of footsteps to alert you someone had mounted the ramp up into the ship. You were too busy lost in your own thoughts even as their shadow drew over you.

No, you noticed only as their hand latched around your shoulder jolting you from your seat and onto the floor. You let out a screech, automatically reaching for your blaster. But your hand stilled, hovering in mid-air. “Shit,” you hissed under your breath staring up at their form.

You had little time to think as you were wrenched to your feet and thrown against the control panel, your torso grinding hard into it. Your uniform being hiked up to your thigh as they retrieved your blaster; the tip of it now jammed under your jaw. But they had no need for a blaster or to disarm you. The action served only to show your vulnerability. You heard the click as they turned the safety off.

“What are you waiting for then?” you growled, their hand knotting into your hair so you were forced to stare up at them. The black hollow of his mask boring into you as you gave a frustrated snarl. The muzzle of the mask pressing up against your temple, the cold of it searing into you.

His voice vibrated through you causing you to shudder in his hold, “I have been lenient with you-that was my first mistake.” He pulled harder on your scalp halting your incessant struggles. His body encompassed around yours, the bulk of his armor scraping against your back side. You let out another hiss as he leaned hard over you, your abdomen being crushed painfully into the control panel  as the hand holding your blaster flicked a series of switches. The loud metallic bang of the ship’s ramp retreating rumbled from beneath you as he sealed you both into the transport.

You could see out into the docking bay from this position. Pre-flight inspections were starting and the number of engineers out on the block was steadily increasing. Which one of them would find your ruined body strewn across the control panel; your blood smearing across the front window tinting the view red.

The hoarse chuckle from his mask at your ear was enough to startle you from your thoughts. He placed the blaster out in front of you; your fingers would just barely graze it if you reached out for it.  His now empty hand returning to your collar, angling your face to the side exposing the crook of your neck. Your eyes fluttered up into your sockets; glad that he could not see your face from this angle as you bit savagely into your lip. But surely he must already know how he was affecting you.

You could smell the musky scent of his leather gloves as his finger stroked against the ridges of your lower lip. Your lips parting at his touch as you choked out a gasp, the knot in your hair keeping you rigid against him. Your hands clung to the edge of the control panel, your nails aching against your grasp on the hard surface.  “Your thoughts are transparent,” he scolded, the vibration of the muzzle of his mask against your throat sending a shiver straight down into your core. “Have you no shame?”

Your legs quivered beneath you with want.  Your cheeks and ears reddening in embarrassment, your eyes squeezing shut.  You couldn’t direct your thoughts anywhere else no matter what you tried.  Every thought, every desire pleading for Kylo Ren to bend you over and take you in any way he so pleased.

“Is that really what you want?”  You tried your best to nod despite his tight grasp.  Too afraid to answer his question out loud. You hated yourself already for this.

His hands pushed up the material of your dress up to your navel, exploring your skin beneath it. Massaging the skin of your thighs and your ass as he kept you securely pinned against the control panel. His fingers teasing at the elastic band of your panties, your body shuddering in anticipation. Touching you everywhere but where you so desperately ached. You let out a small whine as he brushed a digit lightly against your sex, your hips dipping desperately for his touch.

His hand retreated and he backed away just far enough to give your ass an excruciatingly hard slap before pinning you back viciously. You let out a curse, your teeth grinding against each other. “You’re not behaving,” he snapped, his hand massaging your abused ass cheek, the pain throbbing on your skin.

His hand moved from your hair to loop his arm around your throat. Your head fell back to rest against his shoulder as his forearm nudged tightly beneath your chin. You couldn’t see down past his arm and were forced to stare up at the ceiling, his mask visible from only the corner of your eye. His knee slipped between your legs and pushed you into a wider stance. The contact enough to make you shred your lip to pieces between your teeth.

You were forced to wait agonizing minutes before his hand began to explore again.  Each touch ghosting along your skin. Slowly driving you into a lust filled agony as you focused on keeping your legs from squirming. His hand fumbled with the collar of your dress before tearing the material open to expose your breasts. The cold air bit into you, your nipples hardening in response. Ren traced the outline of each nipple through your thin bra, the sensation causing you to let out a small mewl that he quickly hushed with pressure on your throat.

His hand slipped down into your bra, cupping your breast in his gloved hand, massaging the skin before capturing your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger. Softly twisting the skin causing your back to arch against him. The leather of his glove clinging to your skin as he moved to abuse your now neglected breast. You bit down hard on your tongue feeling the moan that wanted so desperately to escape between your lips; scared that any noise you made would cause him to stop.

You must be practically dripping by now. But he was intent on making you suffer, his hand leaving your breast to graze along the back of your thighs. Each movement as slow as he could make it. Until you couldn’t handle it anymore, your arousal throbbing with want. “Please,” you whined, your fingers moving to bite into the arm around your neck. Your hands grasping tightly onto him to steady what little control you had left.

As if sensing your dwindling restrain he pulled you harshly back against him, his hand skimming your clit from the barrier of your panties. Back and forth, his fingers barely making contact. You were sure he could clearly see the frustration displayed on your face. His foot pushing your legs wider still.

A digit drew back, massaging your entrance from behind the drenched material of your underwear; your arousal having soaked right through the thin cloth. Your eyes lulled shut. Fingers gripping savagely into the Commander’s arm but he made no indication of discomfort. Only allowing his digits to increase in pressure as he roamed your sex from behind the cotton barrier. Moving in lines from your clit to your entrance, forcing you to catch the moan building behind your lips.

Pulling the material to the side he pushed the tip of his finger into your entrance. Swirling it against the very beginnings of your walls which were squeezing, trying to force him further into you. You wanted more of him; to feel his fingers curling inside of you but he wouldn’t oblige.

His finger drew out of you and  you feared he would stop entirely. You held your breath as you waited for his touch to return. He ran his now slicked finger in small strokes against your aching clit, the seam of his glove catching on the hood. “Fuck,” you gasped unable to hold it back any longer as the strokes became harder. He let out a low laugh as you fought against the moans erupting from your chest. They were small and distorted from the pressure of his arm on your throat, your cheeks reddening as you bit into your lip. Ashamed at how much he was already getting out of you.

He paused, dipping his thumb inside of you as deep as he could. Your body clenching around him desperately trying to hold him in as he withdrew. He rubbed his thumb and fingers together, slickening his glove with your arousal. His fingers holding back the hood of your clit as his thumb massaged into the unprotected nub. You jerked against him, the pleasure spiking through you with each circular swipe over the sensitive flesh. Your knees were shaking with the effort of staying upright, your fingers curling and gripping onto his sleeve. “Ky-lo,” you moaned dragging out each syllable, your head grinding back against his shoulder as he supported you against him.

He was slowly driving you closer towards climax with his digits on your clit alone, the leather of his gloves stimulating you in a way you had only imagined it could. But you still wanted more. Your arousal had started to drip down the insides of your thighs and your need for him inside you was unbearable.

Answering your desperation his fingers drew away from your clit. Two fingers now gently massaging your cunt’s entrance, slowly, deliberately working you into frustration.  If you begged he’d only stop and start all over  again. You were almost positive he was smirking behind his mask. He was driving you into frenzy, your body fighting you to grind down onto him, to forcibly push him inside of you.

A single finger, long and thick plunged inside of you up to his last knuckle. Immediately you clenched around him as hard as you could, feeling every ridge of him resting inside of you. A second digit joined the first, stretching  its way up into the tight orifice. With only his two fingers you felt full. Your arousal already dripping down into his palm as he gradually pumped into you. His fingers curling slightly to hit the spot deep inside of you that would be your undoing.  In a desperate need for more you clamped even more tightly around the two digits, willing him to drive into you with more vigor. A silent plea for the orgasm he was coaxing with mock speed.

His arm withdrew from around your throat as he pushed your upper body down against the control panel. Your arms now lie next to your head, clutching at whatever you could as his fingers began to pound into you. It was euphoric, your hips moving to grind against his digits and this time he did not stop you. The heat was building in your abdomen as the thrusts into you became rougher.

Close, so fucking close. Soon you’d unravel into his hand. The heat was nearly to its peak, your cunt clenching onto him as you reached towards an end.

His fingers snatched away leaving your orgasm to abruptly fall short. “I’m not done with you yet,” he hissed as a hand knotted into your hair as you moved to stare back at him. You felt a finger back at your entrance followed by something foreign guided by it. You tried to jolt away from him but he held you securely in place in front of him. His finger leaving as he pushed the hard cylindrical object up inside of you. You let out a gasp, clutching hard onto the metal of the panel. It was thicker than his two fingers and uncomfortable and it was reaching too deep. You weren’t used to being penetrated  this deeply; you wriggled in his hold unable to escape.

With a teasing ease he drew back the object before snapping it back into you, the tip hitting your cervix. You let out a cry, his hand fisting so hard into your hair you could almost feel his nails through his gloves. “Good girls take their punishment,” the croon was sadistic as he pressed his groin against your ass, the bulge in his pants more than evident against your mostly bare skin.

After several more thrusts your body rocked against him, meeting each to grind into you further. A moan ripped from deep within you, no longer able to contain the combination of pleasure and pain. What was he even using?

You raised your head, barely able to see out of the ship’s window. Your blaster was no longer rested on the top of the panel. That meant – another hard thrust spilling a moaned curse from your gaping mouth. Kylo let out a snipped laugh as he continued to snap into you with a roughness you knew you’d suffer from later, “you like being stretched open by your blaster don’t you little one?”

Violated by your own weapon; you felt disgusting. Releasing his biting grip into your hair his fingers reached down to stroke your clit, roughly jumpstarting the nerve endings raw. Arching back against him, your finger nails biting into the palms of your hands. The seam of his glove digging up and under the hood of your clit causing you to jolt into him with each stroke. He was bringing you to a new high you had never felt before.  He spit out your name roughly causing your toes to curl in your shoes, “answer me when I ask you a question, _Captain_.”

“Yes, fuck!” you practically screamed, every nerve in your body begging for release. “Please, Kylo,” you whimpered so close that you’d lose control at any second.

His muzzle pressed hard up against the side of your cheek, you could feel the vibrations as he spoke, “you think you deserve to cum for me?” You nodded vigorously in reply. “No, I don’t think you do.” For the second time he withdrew from you completely moments before you reached your peak. You fell forward against the control panel scrambling for breath, frustrated tears betraying you.

“Please,” you groaned as you glanced at him from over your shoulder. His mask betraying nothing. You felt ashamed to resort to this.

He grasped your upper arm, forcing you to stand before him on unsteady limbs. The black expanses in his mask boring into you. “You come onto _my_ ship, expecting what? That I’d give you the release you’d been pining after? No. _You will get no such wish_.”

Your legs buckled and he dropped you to your knees before him. Legs quaking beneath you, your hands slithering down to your clit, adamant that you’d finish what he refused. Your clit pulsed painfully, your hands retreating instinctively only to have both wrists  pinned behind your head at the base of your neck by Ren’s powerful grasp. Staring up at him helplessly, your clit itching for attention, for anything to bring you off of the steadily unwinding slope he’d taken you to. “You get what you’re given,” he snapped, waiting for your attention to return solely to him. You glared up at him, crushing your thighs together to help extinguish the budding irritation of a denied orgasm.

His free hand reached for his waist, pushing aside the material draped there to unbuckle the clasp of his belt. Anxiety flared as you watched him release his erection. Enticed by the sheer size of him standing attention inches from your lips.

You hadn’t been with a man in more years than you were willing to admit. No one had touched you besides Alexa and there were many things you’d only grazed at experience. You knew what Kylo wanted from you; the thought causing your mouth to go dry. You were inexperienced at best.

Sensing your dread he ran his thumb softly  against your jaw before looping his thumb inside of your cheek. The leather resting on your molars causing you to salivate, the taste of your own arousal still coating the leather. Your tongue brushing against the digit curiously, sucking on it as your eyes glued shut. The modulator distorting the heavy breathing from behind his mask as he pressed the pad of his thumb softly down against the middle of your tongue.

He moved closer, his cock pulsing as he brushed it over your bottom lip – covering it in precum. His thumb pushing down harder to keep you from reaching out to taste it.  Your eyes fluttered up to the hollow slit of his mask. There was a man somewhere behind the chrome inlay but even with his erection massaging against your half open lips you couldn’t picture it.

“Open,” he demanded, pinching the side of your cheek.  If not for his fierce hold you might have been tempted to sink your teeth into his thumb. That thought died as soon as it sprouted. You tentatively opened your mouth, his thumb moving to gently swipe over your tongue before holding your chin and wrapping his thumb down over top of your bottom molars, his hold tilting you up towards him. He held you like this a moment, his cock resting on your lower lip which had begun to quiver.

He gave your chin a small squeeze as if encouraging you before pushing his head inside of your mouth. Letting it rest against your tongue and allowing you to familiarize yourself with the foreign skin. You closed your mouth gently around it, your tongue brushing lightly over it; the tang of salt from precum mixing in with your saliva. Even just the head felt massive in your small mouth, you glanced up at him shyly unsure if this was what he was expecting. “Wider,” his voice was softer but he did not wait for you to comply as he slid his length farther into your mouth, stopping only as you began to gag. He held you there, cock sheathed by your lips, your eyes watering as you stared up into the shadow of his mask.

His hand around your wrists tightened, his head tilting to the side as if seeing you truly for the first time.  Your wrists withered in his hold, unable to unlock from such an awkward angle. Your eyes clenching shut as his cock retreated only to thrust farther back into your throat. He paid no mind to your gagging, continuing to use your mouth as he pleased. Tears were rolling down your cheeks, unused to the sensation. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant by any means. You squeezed shut your thighs, begging your heightened arousal to dissipate.

Even through the modulator you could hear his hoarse grunts as he thrust down into your throat. Holding you so tightly that your wrists and jaw would no doubt be bruised. “Look at me,” he nearly moaned the words, giving your chin a savage squeeze. Eyes wandering up to his visor, peering in for the eyes that must be down cast onto you. Letting out an inaudible curse he pushed you hard towards him, your head resting against his abdomen, his cock buried so far down your throat that you were choking for air. You wrestled against him, your lungs rapidly collapsing but he held you firmly, still thrusting tiny circles into the base of your throat.

You felt him twitch before he let out a curse, becoming still against you. His seed spilling deep down your throat. He drew back releasing the pressure on your wrists and chin, easing his cock out of your mouth. You choked on fresh air, a string of saliva connecting your mouth to his cock. “Clean up,” he sighed bringing his head back to your mouth.

Obediently you looked up at him as you lapped up the meager remains of his cum still clinging to him. He let you suck off the saliva of his glove before he stepped back from you. Moving his cock back into his pants and righting his robes as he stared down at you panting up at him.

He kneeled down in front of you, not as terrifying as he had been two days ago but more powerful than he had ever been. “I better not catch you in here again,” his voice had returned to its regular demeanor without the edge of anger.

You nodded staring down at your knees that had gone numb minutes ago. You wouldn’t be returning to the Command Shuttle unless ordered otherwise, that was a promise. “May I be dismissed, Commander?” you mumbled longing to seek solitude from this awkward situation.

“Yes, report to your duties or I _will_ see to it that you are transferred directly back to Starkiller and demoted to sanitation.” You watched him stand and punch a series of buttons on the control panel; the nose of the ship rumbling as it opened up beneath you.

You pulled yourself to your feet, collecting as much of yourself as you could before you went to leave. “Your blaster, _Captain_ ,” Ren handed you the cum soaked blaster that you stowed back into the holster on your thigh.  Avoiding thinking of how deep it had penetrated into you.

Sprinting back to your quarters, not caring who happened to see you. Though you were certain no one did. The hanger was empty as you left as were most of the halls. You collapsed into your room, not making it to the bed before you were curling up into a fetal position.

There wasn’t a single part of your body that didn’t feel bruised. You glanced over at the clock on your bedside table. 0400 hours;  no wonder there wasn’t anyone around. In three hours you’d be expected to make your rounds for your first official day on the Finalizer and if you didn’t Ren would be sure to send you straight back to Starkiller just like he promised.

Dragging over to your bed you curled under the covers. Torn uniform still clung with sweat onto your body; you still had to exchange it for your new one. How the hell would you explain what had happened to this one? You wouldn’t. You couldn’t. You didn’t even care  - you’d just live out the next days on autopilot.

Setting your alarm you settled back into bed. You hated him. You hated how good he made you feel and how you had no control over what he did with your body. You hated the stir in your stomach when you thought of his thick cock inside of you or what his tongue would feel like inside of you – maybe even what the hell he looked like. No, that would not happen again. No matter the heights he’d taken you to; leaving you high and dry with a laugh.

He’d have none of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a wild ride! This was my first time writing smut and I'm kind of proud of it?


	4. Breaking Barriers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You first official day aboard the Finalizer couldn't be worse. Or so you figured. Kylo Ren having the knack of making it just that much more miserable. You'd soon learn the consequences of going head to head with your superior.

When your alarm went off three hours later you bolted upright in bed. Chest heaving as you brushed the sleep from your eyes before silencing the alarms shrill ringing. You placed your head in your hands fighting to steady the frantic search for reality.

The dream had felt so real. How could it have not been, you felt every emotion kiss your skin leaving memories in their wake. The anger, the pain; all of it combining to form something you couldn’t hope to explain. And a man. Someone you had never seen before - the center of it all.

Mangling a hand through your knotted hair you pushed the dream out of your mind. You were exhausted still but you had too much to do to fret on something that was so far out of place in your life. You still had to exchange your uniforms, import the newest feed of the night’s activities to your data pad and cover any and all traces of Kylo Ren from your body. The last worried you the most. You were certain your jaw was bruised for all to see, you could cover everything else up.

You spent a meticulous amount of time in the bathroom covering any sign of your early morning escapade. There was less to hide than you had feared but it would take time for the bruises to bud to their true colour as your throat had begun to. The skin was turning a malicious purple hue that you found impossible to cover with any makeup product you possessed. Instead wearing a tight fitting turtle neck that would completely hide the indiscretion without having to worry about product wearing off during the day. Only you would know what hid behind it. You and the commander; you prayed you would be spared his presence for the rest of the day.

Exchanging your uniform ended up being what you figured would be the most awkward and embarrassing part of your day. You slid the pile of clothing to the officer, their gaze skimming over the ripped material before hurrying off to retrieve your new attire. You were wearing only the turtle neck, your flight jacket and a spare uniform dress that was older than anything else you owned. You felt bare still under the officer’s scrutinizing glare as they handed you the new pile and you stormed off to slip into them before starting your duties of the day.

The clothing was much warmer than your previous uniform had been. Pants, a simple collared jacket, and whatever you wished to wear beneath it. You chose to leave behind the holster for your blaster back in your quarters; the thought of carrying the weapon around bringing a red sheen to your entire face.  You needed to be level headed to get through the rest of the day.

 

Your day started on the bridge with a brief meeting with the other captains of sector 1 and 3. It was dull and you struggled to keep your eyes from lulling shut during their monotonous debriefing. This was tedious and useless; you weren’t here to run a levelled eye over the operations you were here to keep an eye on Commander Ren. But as the day went on and you entered your second briefing you were thankful of the distraction.

It was obvious the captains beneath you resented your position. They felt they did not need another set of eyes watching over them. You were unsure if you were coming off as nervous as you felt; you were no actress. The stress of the new position already gnawing into you. This worsened as your day went on.

You were hunched over one of the bridge’s many computer screens, skimming over a report that had been submitted about a faulty reactor; quietly muttering curses under your breath – this was engineering’s problem not yours. Fidgeting in your seat from having to hold yourself at such an uncomfortable angle in order to escape the pain of your bruised clit being rubbed the wrong way. You tapped your fingers lightly against the screen’s border, a hand brushing through your hair irritably.

 Scrolling down through the list of unopened reports you let out a disgruntled sigh. You’d been here for less than a day and already you had your work cut out for you. Connecting your data pad to the hub on the screen you imported all of the reports you still had to go over. Brushing over the deeply inset crack in the middle of the screen – you’d have to get that fixed sooner rather than later.

A hush drew over the Bridge and you snapped to attention to see the storm of black enter the room.  Apparently being the only body on the Bridge that was not feigning a burst of sudden work ethic. Your eyes gazed after him, 1100 hours, did he even sleep? Eat? The only thing seemingly human about him had been pushed deep down your throat mere hours ago.

Collecting your data pad you stood from your seat. The last place you wanted to be right now was anywhere near the commander. Even his silhouette from the corner of your eye was causing your heart to race. You didn’t need the extra stress right now. His presence was bloating the entire room and you had to be free of it.

Leaning over your screen you quickly exited your applications, freeing the space for the next user. You didn’t need to look up to know; you could feel the aggravation rolling off of him in waves as he loomed over you. “How can I be of service Lord Ren?” you frowned up at him, your voice as sweet as you could make it given the circumstances. The set slate of his mask revealing nothing to you.

He seemed to regard you a moment, the anger dissipating only slightly as he glared down over you. “You are aware that you are to have your blaster with you at all times, Captain?” you flinched back from the retort, struggling to steady the heave he’d inspired in your chest. Of course he’d notice that.

Cocking your head to the side you gave a glimmer of a smirk. A bold move and unwise but if he wished to challenge you he would soon find you would not buckle to his every whim. “Seeing as I am in your presence I thought it rather unnecessary, wouldn’t you think so Commander?” you bit at your bottom lip, knowing you should have simply apologized and held your tongue but the temptation bore  too great to pass.

Ren was taken back by your bravery only for a moment before he was closer, the heat of his body radiating out through the small space between you. You refused to step back away from him, standing your ground as you stared up into his visor. Counting the seconds that passed between you both in silence.

Then the pressure came. Coiling beneath your temples, causing you to wince. Brushing against your mind like a painful caress that would leave scars.

_Get out of my head_

You tried to push him out. But he could not be moved. He was inside of you in the most intimate way, feeding on whatever lurked beneath the surface. Not delving in deep enough to leave you screaming but far enough that you were locked in place; the pain eating at you as he brushed through your mind. Your eyes had begun to tear up as he pushed farther, the sudden snap causing a gasp to pass through your clenched teeth.

_GET OUT_

Though he was still deeply nestled beneath your cranium he stilled as if unwilling to disobey you. With a laboured breath you took a step back away from him, the tether of his mental link straining painfully. It burned even having him stationary and you wanted him out to the point you considered  physically attacking him might break the connection.

You lurched forward towards him, if not for delving so deeply into your thoughts he might not have seen it coming. Your nails dug into the leather of his wrist and his mental connection faltered slightly. Then it grew; until you were practically leaning against him to keep yourself upright from the breaking barricades in your psyche.  Your whole body was screaming inwardly but not a sound crossed past your lips. The intensity continuing to build as he broke past parts of you that you’d failed to know existed until this very moment.

_GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!_

It was too much, he was in too deep. You didn’t know what parts of you he could see anymore. It must be blurred and distorted. It felt like he was at the base of your skull tearing his way  from one end to the other. You pushed with all your might, forcing him to a standstill. The haze calmed as he paused before you were pushing him out farther this time, the pain of his struggle to remain pulsing against your skull. But you weren’t having that – you put every ounce of ability into trapping him to the edge of you where he was blinded and you kept him there against his will.

He was furious, his hand snapping over your wrist, pulling you roughly towards him as he fought to regain his subconscious that you refused to free. His grip crushing against your skin savagely to distract your mind long enough to attempt an escape.

_Stay out of my head Kylo Ren_

You pushed him out of you with a might you hadn’t known you’d had in you causing him to stumble back. But you had pushed too hard. Now everything was dark and painted in emotions you had only glanced from the surface; here they were so vibrant that they seared your being. You were inside of his head now and as soon as you realized it you immediately wanted out. Every thought drenched in such powerful emotion that you feared grazing it would leave you scarred.

He pushed you out too late as you saw it. The tall rainforests towering over him from the bog lands. The fog swirling around his heels as he trudged through the mud towards the cave. Searching for something you couldn’t grasp but not finding it here even after an hour of waiting. The plasma blade of his lightsaber carving into the cave’s innards as his mechanical voice screamed out in fury. Then the stream was cut off and you were back in your own body, blurry eyes staring up at the hooded man you’d just been inside. His hand cutting off the circulation in your wrist for how tightly his digits were clasped around it.

Every single body in the Bridge was turned towards you both. Unaware of the internal struggle you’d both been fighting. You wanted to flee but as you tugged in Ren’s hold it became tighter.  He had no intention of letting you go.

Before your panic was able to erupt you were disrupted by a storm trooper at your side. “Sir, the reconnaissance  team has found something,” the chrome plated trooper demanded Ren’s attention.  His gaze shifted between you both before deciding  the new matter was more pressing.

_I’ll be back to finish this_

You could hear the threat clearly in your head causing you to wince as he dropped his hold. Without a word he left you to stare after him, praying he wouldn’t make true on his threat. You glanced up awkwardly at the storm trooper still at your side, unable to put into words your thanks. But you lost your chance as they followed after Ren leaving you to gather your things and hurry away from the scrutinizing eyes of the Bridge.

 

Deciding you were least likely to run into the Commander in the Mess Hall you had stowed away in a secluded corner, playing idly with the slop now in front of you. Eyeing it distastefully before dropping your fork on the plate. You couldn’t eat, your stomach was still in knots. The brown mash further reminding you of the mud from Ren’s memory. You hadn’t even noticed his dirtied boots; some informant you were. Missing all of the small details as soon as he had you flustered. But you were always flustered around him.

How had you gotten into his head? Or even gotten him out of yours in the first place. You tried not to dwell on it but as you skimmed through the reports on your data pad your mind kept returning to it. You’d felt hope that slowly dwindled into rage while he waited in that cave. Waiting for what? You hadn’t tuned in far enough to know that and frankly it was probably better you hadn’t.

You were already considering making camp for the night in the Mess Hall. The moment you were alone he’d be there and though at first the threat seemed feeble you knew he would follow through. You leaned forward resting your elbows on the table, your head buried in your hands. 

It hit you; the vision causing your head to slam forward into the table. Unable to fend it off as the scene before you shifted to one no longer belonging to you but rather to _him_. The feelings of pride, anger, and relief rushed through you from your fingertips to your toes; feeling the emotions coursing through him as he watched the holo-map project in front of him. But it was still missing a piece, a vital one at that. Yet still it had been recovered at last. His gloved fingers reached out, enhancing it, attempting to follow where the trail would end despite its’ incompletion. He found nothing and his rage was dominating the other two emotions. Hand slipping around the saber at his waist, considering laying waste to the area surrounding him but the rage subsided as he paused. Concentrating, feeling for the presence he sensed at the back of his mind and as he found you - shoved you out.

Groaning you lifted your skull from the table finally free of Ren’s hold. But you had been held captive within him and that made no sense; he was projecting into you yet pushing you out at the same time. He’d think you were spying. Trying to delve into his head farther than you had earlier when more than anything you wished the distance between you both would grow rather than shrink.

Something had happened the moment you had forced your way into his subconscious. Something you wished would cease to exist. Whatever it may be it was putting you in danger. The more you caught onto Ren’s emotions the more he would lash back. You could feel the uncapped rage in him before the link had severed.

Fear was gripping at your heart as you gathered your data pad and bolted from the Mess Hall. Praying he would not be able to sense you. That thought was the tether you held to as you ran towards the elevator. Hammering chest only slowing as the doors closed and the elevator began to rise. You huddled back in the corner nearly doubled over from panic willing yourself to breathe. Maybe he didn’t know it was you – no – he knew, that thought was absolute. You gripped to the railing behind you until your knuckles paled, the elevator stopping one floor beneath your destination to let someone on.

To your relief it wasn’t Ren. You immediately gathered yourself as the two Stormtroopers entered. Feigning a calm that was anything but within you. On the next stop they exited before you and you hesitated to follow them, having to catch the door before it began to close again.

You were shoved back into the elevator, the force so powerful that you fell crumpling to your knees as you hit the back wall; your data pad shattering at your side. The elevator doors closing behind him. “No,” you groaned slumping back against the wall as you gazed up at him, up into the emotionless mask that you were certain he was snarling behind. The saber at his side already in hand. Your arms shielding your face as he ignited the red blade; absolutely certain he would slice into you in his rage. He lunged towards you, slicing into the wall above you and showering you in sparks. You let out a scream as his arm traced an arch above him, the lights shattering  and raining shards of glass and sparks down onto you both.

Without the lights you had to wince to make out his silhouette, illuminated only by the vague glow of the molten metal and the deadly hum of his lightsaber. You sat frozen against the wall of the elevator, if you moved you would tread onto the shards of glass littering the floor or into Ren himself. He swung his blade towards you, cutting into the metal of the wall at your side, the attack so close the metal seared your arm causing you to jolt away and fall onto the shards of glass at his feet. The glass embedding into the skin of your arms and knees. But you were more concerned with the plasma now an inch from your throat. The heat of it causing sweat to bead on your brow.

“How are you doing it?” Ren’s hiss sounding similar to the crackle of his sabre as it drew a line in the floor by your hands. “You have not been chosen – how are you getting into my head!” as he yelled he slashed through the metal of the railing behind you and you let out a hoarse sob.

_TELL ME_

“I don’t know!” you wept, curling your knees closer to your chest. Wanting to become small, invisible, so that Ren would think you disappeared. “ _Please_ , I don’t know why it’s happening!”

With a fist knotted into your hair he drug you to your feet and slammed you back into the doors of the elevator. His lightsaber retracting but held taunt in his hand. His mask flashing in and out of visibility with the dull sparks still falling from overhead. “I will ask you one final time, _how_?”

You shook your head. Not willing to give the answer out loud. His grip relaxed and you were sure his rage had begun to wither. You hadn’t see it coming as the hilt of his lightsaber was brought back hard, slamming mercilessly into the side of your face; causing you to ricochet against the elevator doors and back onto your knees at his feet. Blood was pooling in your mouth, the pain throbbing across the entire side of your face. You stared down at his boots stunned, your vision blurring from your tears.

A hand laced around your throat, dragging you back up into a standing position. Spinning you so that you were pinned facing the elevator doors. The muzzle of his mask jamming into the side of your head. “I will take it from you since you are so unwilling,” you felt the jab of his presence wrench into you, picking apart the folds of your psyche to find exactly what he was looking for. You didn’t try to force him out; too scared you would overstep and have a repeat of earlier.

“Commander please-“ you were openly sobbing by the time he released you. If not for his body pinning you in place you would have crumpled into the fetal position at his feet. The strain of him forcing himself through your mind three times in one day leaving you desecrated in his wake.

“I suppose now is as suitable time as any for your punishment,” the vibration of his muzzle was now against your throat. You tried to reel back from him desperate to escape. “The harder you struggle the longer I will make you suffer.”

You stilled beneath him not wanting a repeat of earlier that morning. You were still aching from the punishment you’d received. The very thought of it stirring the need inside of you against your will.

He parted your thighs with his knee, wedging them apart, grazing against your sex and you let out a hiss. Still sensitive to touch. “Perhaps you should not have stepped so far out of bounds twice in one day,” his hand moved to trace your sex, digging his fingers against the clothing protecting it as you whined at the contact. He hooked his fingers at the material at your waist, dragging them down past your thighs where they pooled at your ankles leaving you bare. Grasping your hips he began to grind into you, his erection trapped beneath the leather of his tight pants nudging hard against your ass. One of the hands on your hip moving down to spread your ass cheek, pushing his erection hard between the cheeks making you rasp in protest. You tried to squirm away from the contact but he shoved you harder against the elevator door keeping you immobile beneath him. The heels of your palms grappling beneath your chest against the metal keeping you upright.

“You’ll be raw by the time I’m done with you,” he threatened as you heard the ruffle of his robes and the click of his belt. His erection prodding  your backside, sliding between your ass cheeks. You tensed; he wouldn’t fuck you there – he couldn’t. You heard him chuckle, his head slowly stretching the skin of your ass and you let out a yelp as you frantically tried to draw away. Internally screaming for him to stop, to use you in any way but. “No? Would you rather I fuck your tight cunt into submission?” you nodded and let out your held breath as he moved to brush against your slit.

He slicked himself against your entrance, prodding your clit with each of his thrusts. The action more pain than pleasure. You tried your best not to recoil from him, the action serving only to push him firmly into you. His grip on your hips tightening as he poised to enter you. The panic in your chest threatening to have your heart burst through your ribcage. He would rip you apart. Stuck between fear and arousal as he slowly teased up into you, spreading your cunt around the tip of his erection.

_Beg for your punishment_

The order caused you to clench against him. Your first thought was straight out refusal. You would not beg – but you had before and the way he was teasingly prodding at you was proving certain that you would again. He would not release you until you did. Still the bitterness was awakening within you as was the guilt. For the second time you were teetering on the edge between blissful submission or pain driven guilt. What about Alexa; was she simply nothing to you now as you bent to Ren’s will. Your thoughts caught in a stagnant struggle.

The chain around your neck tightened until it was choking you. Your attention returning to Ren’s presence as he gave a hard yank and the chain split in half. If you’d been in a position to do so you would have snatched for the ring he now clutched in his palm. You let out a snarl beneath him, bucking back against him, desperate to squirm out of his hold and reclaim what he had taken from you.

The brutal grip on your hip only tightened in warning. You were already weakened and in pain; the longer you made him wait the more he would torture you now and later. Now that you had a taste of him you were sure he would not allow you to escape so easily. You knew too much and he had too tight a grasp at the reins of your life for you to slip away.

Letting in a quivering breath your lips parted. “Please, Lord Ren, _punish me_ ,” you choked out the sob as he slammed into you before you finished your last syllable. Stretching you wider and deeper than your blaster had. You walls quivering at the intrusion, both clinging to keep him in and contracting to force him out all at once. He granted you the mercy of a moment to adjust to his sheer size before drawing out of you and snapping back in with twice the force. Your howl of pain echoing back into your own ears from the corners of the lift. You weren’t aroused enough to take him like this and this he knew but this was not for you; it was for him.

With his thrusts he ebbed the frustration you had caused straight back into you. The force of his thrusts smashing you against the elevator doors. Your wrists had gone numb minutes ago. He let you scream, let you cry, and in return you did not struggle.

Despite the sting of pain the coil was tightening, the pleasure beginning to rock you as your sobs became muffled moans you did not want him to hear. The thrusts were becoming increasingly insistent and you were sure he was reaching his limit before he stopped entirely. Your hips bucking him into you, refusing to let him deny you yet another orgasm. Your need for release becoming your only thought. His hands held your hips still and you whined as he pulled out of you. So lost to the feeling of him you would do anything to have him back inside of you.

He spun you around to face him, his arm wrapping around one of your legs and pinning it to the side of his hip. Slowly angling you to sink back down onto him. Your hands reached greedily forward to latch onto him but he pinned them above you with a hand encompassing both of your wrists. Your back pressing into the doors as he rocked into you at a infuriating slow pace. From this position you could do little to grind him down into you; forced to endure whatever he was willing to give to you.  

You were burning holes into him through the slit of the mask’s eye sockets. Your heaving chest giving away just how much you were enjoying even the lazy thrusts. The pleasure momentarily masking the wounds that soon would desperately need attending to.

He stilled inside of you for a second time and you were squirming in his hold. Even through the static of his modulator you knew he was laughing at you. “Is this not enough for you, girl?” you sneered up at him in reply. No matter of begging would get you what you wanted; that was your punishment. Or so you thought. The hand at your wrists released you, angling you back farther so only the tops of your shoulders and  back of your head were pressed against the doors. His other arm wrapped around your other leg, supporting all of your weight as he tested a thrust into you; the angle forcing him deeper within you causing you to curse.

He held you in place, cock buried inside of you as you clenched around him. Your jaw set tightly as you focused on the intense feeling of being stuffed full. A foreign sensation pressed onto your skin and you frowned unable to see what had caused it in the near darkness. His hands were still digging into your thighs as it shifted, the pressure seeking the solace of your swollen nub. Your walls clenching hard in response to the massaging sensation. Ren let out a growl, steadying himself as your contractions pulsed against him. The waves of pleasure becoming intense, painful even as your nerves were set aflame by the invisible contact of The Force. He worked you like this until you were at the edge of your orgasm, the pressure easing just enough to keep you quivering in wait.

Forming the words took three separate tries before they left you into something comprehensible besides the moaned wails of desperation. “P-please Kylo, _please can I cum_ ,” you begged, tears rolling down your cheeks in the frustration of being held at this state for so long. You panicked as he began to draw out of you, crying out as he left you empty except for the head of his cock hovering just inside of your entrance.

He slammed back into you, the sudden force pushing you over the edge as you finally came. Your orgasm releasing an audible moan from behind his mask; waiting until you had recovered from the aftershocks to begin thrusting into you again. The Force still massaging into your clit painfully so, the nerves beyond over sensitive. The combined sensation of his hips snapping into you and your clit quickly bringing you back to the plateau of a second verging orgasm.

You whimpered as he kept you there, as the thrusts became more urgent the pressure on your clit dwindled to compensate. The hands at your thighs gripping into you savagely, pounding into the back of your cervix painfully with each thrust. Absolutely sure that he was drawing out his orgasm just as he was drawing out yours. Just as you felt you couldn’t bear another moment on the edge the pressure returned full force onto your clit. With two more thrusts you burst at the seams, screaming loudly as you came painfully ; the strength of your second orgasm milking him into his own. He stilled seconds later panting hard, the pressure of his hands lessening as he eased you off of him. Careful to support you so that your legs did not immediately collapse under your weight. He moved to lean you into the corner as he righted himself and then collected your underwear and pants and helped you slip back into them, having to support you almost entirely in the process.

When you were clothed he pressed you into the corner as he leant the muzzle of his mask down against your ear. He was no longer heaving for breath like you were. “You are to stay in this spot until you are collected and taken to the Medbay,” you nodded as he made his demands. Too exhausted to fight him in your current state. “Don’t think that this is over, you have chipped away only a portion of the penance you truly deserve.” Again you nodded, too drained to merit a verbal response or retort. He gripped your chin, forcing your eyes to strain to see him, “send Hux my regards.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took an age and a half to update! This chapter was a bit difficult for me to finish. Prepare for more Phasma in the future and of course - much, much more smut.
> 
> On a side note I realize I tend to switch between American and Canadian (British?) spelling. Word corrects things to American spelling while Ao3 corrects it to Canadian for me??? Sorry if it causes anyone confusion/annoyance I'm used to using both so I don't tend to notice.


	5. Disobedience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren had sent you to the Medbay following your most recent run in. Now you were left with the task of reporting the information you had recently obtained from the knight. If only everything you did would not lead up to such dire consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Slight blood play, breath play, possible dubcon

The soft blips of machinery were what woke you. Fallen asleep at your post again. Your eyes began to focus- there was no array of screens in front of you only the medical droid waiting on standby at the end of your bed. Still in the Medbay, how had you forgotten. You’d woken to the same scene for three days now, having slept almost the entirety of the past two. The bacta tank you had been submerged in shortly after your arrival had exhausted you. The use of the tank was highly limited and if not for the concussion you’d sustained you were certain you would be healing out your wounds for weeks to come instead. But as it was Kylo Ren that had sent for you to be taken here you were beginning to wonder if the Commander had anything to do with it. You hardly understood him or his underlying intentions in the slightest.

All but the scar from the burn on your arm had been healed. You brushed the tips of your fingers across the distorted skin thankful that it no longer ached. It had been the one thing that the bacta tank was unable to heal to completion. The glass had been picked out piece by piece from your arms and legs before you’d been submerged. You had not begun to feel the pain until after Ren had left you to wait to be collected by the Stormtroopers and you wondered what it was about him that had made you so numb. You reached for your neck and grimaced remembering the ring he had snatched from around your throat; you would get it back if it was the last thing you ever did.

_Send Hux my regards_

Ren’s words were haunting you. When had he first known? Or perhaps he always had. The sudden change in your duties had been anything but subtle immediately after the first incident with the Commander. Now you’d be treading on thin ice. He would observe your every move, know your every thought. And if you tried to push him out of your head you would risk seeing inside of his; something you dared not repeat. You had not had contact with Hux since your departure from Starkiller – you would have to return to speak with him in person not trusting the security of comlinks with Ren skulking around.

Your cheeks blazed thinking of the jedi killer. Praying that the doctor had not made a point in noting the semen that had dripped down your thighs. You had given into him so easily even after the beating he had given you. It left you ashamed; would you ever be able to evade his effect on you? You were starting to believe it was unlikely. There was something almost familiar about his touch now. It was infuriating.

It was mandatory you report to him before you left for Starkiller base.

The doctor released you from the Medbay after another three hours of observation.  At this point you made your way back to your quarters. Your legs ached with misuse from the days of bed rest. As you trudged along through the corridors the other officers seemed to be avoiding their gaze. No doubt everyone knew what had sent you to the Medbay; now you had been marked. _Damn him_ you thought bitterly.

In your quarters you slipped on your flight jacket and held your helmet at your side. Continuing to ignore your blaster holster that was discarded on the floor until the moment before you were about to leave. Deciding last minute you’d prefer to have it at your side if not just to keep Ren from mentioning it.

Without your datapad you’d be scrambling around the ship in search for the beast and you still had to send word to Lieutenant Mitaka to inform General Hux of your arrival. If Kylo Ren admitted your departure to Starkiller base that is. He had no reason not to but still the anxiety was bubbling in your chest. Hux had you dangling in a rather dangerous proximity and it would only get worse.

At 1300 hours you arrived on the bridge. Coaxing an officer into allowing you use of their datapad so that you could override it to send a message to Mitaka. This was easily done and the Lieutenant was now expecting your arrival. Finding Ren however would be a bit more of a challenge. The officer did not have access to the more classified information on the ship meaning you couldn’t track his location with the security cameras. Thanking them you left the bridge to blindly search the halls.

After you’d exhausted all of your options you sat at a table in the Mess hall glumly staring down at the mush on your plate. You should really just suck up your pride and ask someone. Your datapad wouldn’t be available until tomorrow and informing the General simply could not wait. Maybe you’d opt out on informing Ren; face the repercussions when you returned the next day. That thought was… undesirable.

Leaning over your plate you glanced up as you felt the bench beside you shift as someone sat down; everyone had been treating you much like you’d contracted the Delemede plague as of late. The blonde now sitting next to you had placed her chrome helmet beside her on the table. She was eyeing you thoughtfully. “Phasma,” she held out her hand for you to shake and you returned your name in kind grasping the cold metal of her gauntlet.  The intensity of her stare had you biting at the inside of your cheek. This had been the Stormtrooper who had momentarily saved you from Ren.

Phasma tucked her datapad under her helmet, brushing her sever case of helmet hair into something more tame. You sucked in a breath watching her. Of course you’d heard whispers of Captain Phasma while on Starkiller but from what you’d heard you hadn’t known she would be this striking. The mention of the chrome coated captain had slipped your mind completely when you saw her last. Now you realized your mistake. She was the closest in command next to Ren and Hux, the fact she was even sitting in the Messhall beside you was odd to you. About to eat the same slop as everyone else, for some reason it didn’t compute.

“Glad to see you made a quick recovery,” Phasma followed the statement with a large spoonful of food. You turned your gaze to the top of the table, embarrassed. Quietly mumbling your thanks as you slumped in your seat. Your hands clenched in your lap wishing you could disappear. You could feel her gaze turn back onto you, “it could have happened to anyone – wrong place at the wrong time.” If only that were true. If only being thrown back into that elevator was a coincidence of being caught in the path of his rage rather than being the cause of it.

A thought occurred to you and you swiveled in your seat to face her. “I- Captain, I know that this is informal but would you be able to grant me clearance to leave to Starkiller?” you bit at your tongue as she began to frown. “It’s on General Hux’s orders just I have to clear it with the Commander-“ you broke off feeling the words die on your lips. Of course she wouldn’t be able to override his word, your asking was just a waste of time.

There was a pause before she sighed. “Ordinarily that would be out of the question but seeing as Commander Ren is not here I will be able to grant you clearance this one time,” she reached for her datapad and began tapping on the screen. “Normally you’d be grounded until his return but I see no reason a capable pilot cannot have enough discretion to make the journey. His leave of absence is _classified_ information I hope I do not have to remind you.”

“Understood, thank you Captain,” you were already inching out of your seat. Eager to get off of the Star Destroyer and back to some semblance of what you considered normal ground.  You were sure that the action was quite rude but Phasma turned back to her food and you scurried off towards the hangers. Why she had even sat with you in the first place seemed bizarre. But your table could easily have been the least crowded and perhaps she lacked companionship. You made a note to thank her again upon your return; she was putting her neck out for you after all.

 

The journey back to Starkiller Base was dull but you relished it for being as such. Being behind the controls of your TIE fighter meant you had total control. Something you often found you yearned for after the past week that had sent you into turmoil. Here, in the expanse of space you were untouchable. That feeling of the weight lifted from your chest lasted only until Starkiller Base engulfed your view.

You had temptation to flee right then and there with your tail between your legs but even if you gave into these foolish desires you knew you would not make it far. Without a hyperdrive or shields you were made an easy target for any resistance fighters to pick off. And there was another threat; Kylo Ren. He would hunt you down without a moment’s hesitation. The vulnerability of your ship was enough to keep you from straying. And so fearing even your thoughts would betray you, the craft began its’ decent into Starkiller’s atmosphere.

As you disembarked from your ship you’d nearly forgotten the taste of fresh air. You stood in the hangers breathing in the tint of pine and grease before making your way towards the command centre. Here on Starkiller your status meant little and you were forced to wait for clearance before entering; the Stormtroopers convinced you were a mere pilot, their remarks making you grind your jaw in annoyance. Your grip on your helmet was crushing as you approached Lieutenant Mitaka. You were not prepared to relay any of this information to Hux.

“I trust your journey was well?” Mitaka stood from his seat with datapad in clutch, you’d never seen the man without it glued to his side. He was overworked much like the General but he refused to let it show. Most of the lower officers thought of him as spineless but to you he seemed driven; walking in the General’s shadow as his beck and call couldn’t be easy.

“Uneventful,” you followed close on his heels as he led you towards the back of the centre where you knew Hux’s office sat at its’ crown. Your gloves suddenly felt clammy and suffocating around your skin.

The General was perched behind his desk flipping through his datapad as you both entered. His eyes snapping up to meet yours. You were certain Mitaka had notified him the moment you had begun docking procedures. In your short absence from Starkiller you had somehow forgotten the intensity of his blue eyes; you swallowed the lump forming in your throat.  “Sit,” he gestured to the chair placed on the other side of his desk and you hovered down into it; fingertips tightly grasping the arms. Your heart was leaping from your chest as he slowly assessed your tense posture. Beads of sweat gathering on your brow. “Thank you Lieutenant you are dismissed,” Hux’s gaze bore into you as Mitaka closed the door behind him leaving you both alone.

Hux placed his datapad to the side, weaving his fingers together in front of him. “You have been assigned a comlink yet less than a week before your scheduled shuttle you are here in my office, I hope you are not wasting my time,” the venom in his words had you fidgeting in your seat. Your breathing shallow as you bowed your head, afraid to meet his eye. You know he saw this as cowardice.

“My apologies, General, but I did not wish our conversation to be overheard,” you mumbled stroking your helmet distractedly in your lap. In your haste you had overlooked his strict instruction.  Your TIE fighter had not been issued to you to make the journey back and forth between Starkiller Base and the Finalizer. It was reckless of you to have made the trip alone, making you an easy target. But if you had been forced to stay until your scheduled transport time it may have been too late. You licked your bottom lip feeling your mouth go dry. “The Commander-“you paused to meet his stare, “he knows, General.”

He didn’t appear surprised in the slightest. “So I am correct in assuming your stay in the medbay is due to such revelation?” you nodded and he let out an audible sigh. Perhaps you should have done this over comlink after all. The news had not affected him in the slightest.

“He’s been using the First Order’s resources in search of a map and he’s found it, part of it,” this catches his attention. If he already knows the information or not he does not say. “And he’s been making trips to Dagobah without proper authorization or  record.” You feel dirty as you divulge Ren’s secrets; these are not your secrets to tell. You pray he does not ask you for proof.

“I have known of his search for the map but I had hoped he would not be expending our assets in search for it,” Hux muttered pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation. “Has he been making many of these trips off record?”

You shake your head, “I’m sorry, sir, I was only able to uncover the one but I’m sure there are more.” If only you were able to bypass the encryption then you would know his exact whereabouts. Though even the information found could be useless. “I was unable to eject the server in his shuttle. If I had then I could give you exact dates, times, and locations.” You don’t dare tell him how you were caught in the act. The blaster secured to your side was heavy with the memory and you fought off the blush that threatened to rise in your cheeks. “How much time would you need?” his question took you off guard as you considered it. Pursing your lips as you calculated the tools and possible obstacles of its’ extraction.

“Two hours of uninterrupted work, sir,” since you now knew its’ encryption was impassible you would not need to waste time. But you would not step foot back into that beast. Not after what had happened to you when you had. Seeing the glint in the General’s eyes – you would have no choice. “But I’m not an engineer sir, they would be able to do the extraction much quicker than myself.”

“No, I will not risk word of this passing further than between our exchange,” he picked back up his datapad and began typing onto the screen. “Ren is due back to Starkiller tomorrow, I can grant you a secured three hours on his shuttle in which I will keep him occupied and whatever information you find you will send directly to me through comlink.”

You bit down hard onto your tongue as you nodded knowing if you allowed yourself to speak it would have been to shoot down the command entirely.  Disobedience for a second time in one day would have you sent to the outer rims with _reconditioning_ at best.  If you did this there was a chance Hux would no longer require you in this falsified position and you could return  to a less strenuous job. Somewhere far beyond the reaches of Kylo Ren where you could finally make peace with what you have lost. “I will need supplies,” you bit at the inside of your cheek taking a mental inventory.

“Speak with Lieutenant Mitaka, he will have whatever you need delivered to you and he will set up temporary lodging for you tonight,” Hux set down his datapad, hands splayed out on the top of his desk. “After you are finished, successful or not you will accompany Ren back to the Finalizer and attend to your duties until further instruction. If there are _complications_ with Ren inform me immediately.”

Shit. Did Hux not realize you wouldn’t make it out of the atmosphere before Ren would drive his lightsaber through your chest? If he even waited before takeoff. Hell he might already know what Hux was planning at this very moment. There was no way you could tell exactly how far the tether between your minds stretched.  You didn’t understand how the Force worked in the slightest. How could you be certain Ren wouldn’t show up mid extraction despite Hux’s promise? It was too risky and all your cards had already been played.  Despite all of this, with confidence you nodded with a “yes, sir.”

“You are dismissed,” Hux turned back to his datapad and you were already up and out of your seat, trudging down through the command centre to speak with Mitaka. He was waiting for you and quickly matched your stride. Neither of you saying a word until after you’d left the command centre.

“What supplies will you need?” he got right to the point leading you off towards a store room.

You stepped into the room before him and he closed the door behind you both. Here you would be able to speak freely without being overheard. “A datapad, both a droid and starship tool kit, and a prybar,” you counted out each item on your finger, wiggling your pinky as you thought of the final item. Mitaka jotted down the items on his data pad glancing up at you as you strained to remember what else you needed. “And a vibropick, a plasma drill will do if you can’t find one but it might mangle the metal beyond repair,” you shrug before realizing the Lieutenant had no idea exactly what you were getting yourself into. “That’s it,” you added as he slip his datapad back to his side.

He reached behind you into a shelf producing a dust covered datapad. Booting it up and bypassing the security before passing it to you. “You will be sent both the items and information on your assignment an hour prior,” he motioned you back out of the room and you followed with a frown. If you had everything now you could arrange it to your needs. “Do you remember your previous quarters?” you nodded feeling the lump in your throat forming once again. He passed you the keycard, your trembling fingers closing tightly around it. “If you need anything else simply contact me and I will make sure it is added in.”

“Thank you,” you mumbled as he turned to march back to the command centre. Your legs had begun to tremble beneath you. You had hoped you would never have to see that damn room again. With heavy limbs you drug yourself through the corridors towards it until you were standing before the durasteel door, hand pressed against it as you stabilized your emotions; it was just a room even if you had shared it with her. Using the keycard and the door slid open and you entered into the darkness. Your breath shallow as the lights slowly illuminated and you found you were glad to see the room had been stripped bare. But the memories still clung to the walls and you sat heavily on the side of the bed feeling nauseous. “Keep it together!” your voice was ragged brushing the tears out of your eyes. Throwing your helmet, _her_ helmet, against the wall leaving a dent.

You were exhausted, angry, and should probably just sleep. But with your anger you felt your stomach coiling and you rolled onto the bed to face the wall irritably. You didn’t want to think about Alexa because if you did you’re forced to think about _him_. Thinking about him was unacceptable because as hard as you tried not to your thoughts would only turn to how you were screaming for him; begging him to let you cum. A clench of anticipation shuddered between your thighs and you threw your head back into the pillows willing your thoughts to tread elsewhere. It was too late, you were already aroused. Angry and full of need, a combination you were starting to see becoming a pattern as of late.

Stripping from your flight jacket and uniform you crawled beneath the covers hoping to sleep. Quickly setting an alarm on your datapad for the early morning. It wasn’t long until you knew you wouldn’t fall asleep. You couldn’t stop imagining the heat of his body pushing you down into the bed, his hand closing down around your throat as he thrust into you. “Enough!” you hissed out loud giving your head a rough shake. Not to him, you wouldn’t touch yourself to him. You settled back clearing your thoughts. Was it wrong to – she was dead but you could still remember her; the way she clutched to your thighs as she nipped at you forcing you to hold a hand over your mouth lest the rest of the floor heard you through the thin walls.

You found your hand pushing down the waist band of your panties until they lay on the bed at your feet. There was nothing wrong with remembering her you reminded yourself as you skimmed your fingers down between your thighs. A puff of breath leaving your lips as you skimmed against your clit. As long as you weren’t imaging him between your thighs it was alright. Your other hand moving down to stroke a finger in and out of your entrance. His fingers had filled you, even with two rocking inside you it couldn’t compare. You groaned biting your bottom lip as you increased the pressure onto your clit, swirling it back and forth. If only he’d taken off that damn helmet to taste you. You added a third finger, bucking your hips as you moaned. Picturing the way his wrist had snapped his fingers up into you hitting in all the right places each time.

There was a loud blare of an alarm in the hallway and you stilled. Probably just a drill, you’d be done in moments anyway. Your fingers went back to work, your eyelids fluttering into the back of your head. In the corridor you could hear the alarm silence followed by a loud crashing. This time your fingers withdrew as you sat up in bed to listen, panic suddenly over taking you. The lights overheard began to flicker before the bulbs cracked leaving you in the dark. “What the hell,” you muttered listening hard. A power surge? Starkiller Base was still under construction, this wouldn’t be the first time. There was a loud thump that had the hair at the back of your neck standing on end. You could hear the lock of your door clicking and you knew the door had slid open but the hallway beyond was just as obscure. You could hear the footsteps as the door slid back in place, locking with an audible click. You were no longer alone.

There was a weight on the side of the bed as if someone had sat down. Then the sharp hiss of air as an airlock was opened followed by a metallic thump against the floor.

“No, you can’t be here,” you stammered crawling back until you were backed against the side of the wall. The weight shifted towards you, the bed dipping at your sides as he straddled you. The texture of his leather gloves forcing a digit in between your lips to silence you. His breath was hot against your cheek and you squirmed beneath him. You let out a groan beneath him trying to push him off and he added a second finger into your mouth shoving them towards the back of your throat until you gagged.

_You really think if you were to cum around your own fingers thinking of me you would get by unpunished?_

The words rattled against your skull and you stilled beneath him. His fingers drawing in and out of your mouth slowly, your tongue pressing up against them. He removed them slowly, trailing a path of saliva down your chest, your stomach, and ending as he slid his digits between your folds. Dragging your spit back and forth between your clit and entrance. “Fuck,” you whimpered unable to buck into his touch with his weight pinning you down.

His mouth drew  closer until his lips were grazing against the side of your throat. The prick of teeth dragging into your jaw. A second hand pinching at your nipple as the skin hardened beneath his touch. Hair tickled against your collarbones as he pressed his lips into your neck, sucking until it stung. “Mmm,” he purred nipping at the bruising skin.

“Fuck, Kylo, please –“the whimper had him chuckling; it was a much softer sound without the vocoder’s crackle. He didn’t indulge you, continuing to tease you into frustration. Leaving bites and hickeys all along your collar. Once satisfied he moved down, flicking his tongue against your nipples one at a time. Every time you would begin to squirm he would pause until you stilled. His fingers still sliding against you, catching the hood of your clit every so often, eliciting a gasp.

You moved to lace your fingers into his hair hoping to tug him off of you. Only your arms wouldn’t move, they were stuck firmly at your sides. A frustrated growl left your throat and he wedged you more firmly into the wall. Ensuring the only movement you were capable of was that of your fingernails etching crescents into your palms. With a painstaking ease he slid his two fingers into you, his thumb pressing down onto your clit. You stifled the moan remembering how thin the walls were; those on fourth shift would have already retired to their rooms and with the power outage would be stuck until it was resolved.

Ren’s fingers were now rocking into you. His thumb massaging your clit back and forth, the seam of his glove catching beneath the hood with each stroke. You were panting, lost to the sensation until the sudden pain brought you back. Teeth had clamped onto your shoulder, clinching hard enough into you to break the skin. If not for the hand he had secured over your lips the yelp would have been ear splitting. Again he bit into your shoulder, his teeth overlapping where he had last bitten. The skin broke beneath his lips and he dug his tongue into the wound, lapping at the blood that had begun to pool. His teeth gripped onto the side of the cut, tugging at it to open it. You were screaming  behind his hand, struggling to force him off. His tongue delving back and forth along the incision forming tears in your eyes.

Despite the pain and your disgust the increased onslaught of his fingers had you trembling in your need for release. He was purposely keeping you on the edge. As if licking your wounds wasn’t insult enough. The hand at your mouth  now held your chin, wrenching your jaw open for him. His mouth pressing against yours, tongue sliding against your own so you could taste the stark copper of your blood. The grip becoming painful as you tried to draw away, his mouth leaving  moments before your teeth ground shut. “You’re disgusting,” you spat swallowing the saliva a number of times hoping it would clear the taste in your mouth. It didn’t.  He dipped back into your shoulder, sucking hard at the wound, collecting as much as he could before turning back to you. “No,” you growled feeling his lips push against yours.

_If you want to cum you will comply._

Your legs were quivering, the need becoming white hot. His fingers had stilled in wait. Your mouth opened to him, his tongue immediately running against yours and you couldn’t help but moan into his mouth as his fingers went back to work. The taste was much stronger and you gagged, this time he did not draw away. A third finger eased into you. His tongue was searching your mouth greedily, pushing against your molars before dominating against the movement of your own. His thumb pushed beneath the hood of your clit, rubbing it back and forth rapidly, jolting you in the ascent to orgasm. His hand tangling into your hair, forcing your mouth hard into his making your teeth clack.

Your thighs began to quake, pussy tensing hard around the leather digits snapping into you. Moans spilling from your mouth and into his, each one louder than the last until you were certain half of the floor could hear you. With one last swirl of his thumb you came undone. Nearly sinking your teeth into his tongue from the intensity, the walls of your pussy convulsing around his fingers hard enough to feel each ridge. The force of your orgasm left you panting for breath, body slumping back against the wall.

His fingers slowly withdrew from you before finding a new home between your lips. Your mouth accepting them without struggle, tongue lapping off your juices. Suckling the leather clean until he drew each digit away with a small pop. Your mind was rendering blank. Suddenly your surroundings seemed foreign; were you even still on Starkiller. Yes, you decided finally as the pressure of Ren’s knees at either side of you slipped away. This was still your reality no matter what the haze of orgasm tried to feign otherwise. Your tongue felt dry even with the mixture of cum and blood lingering on your taste buds.

A sinking revulsion was spreading in your chest. Knowing the moment you moved from your spot against the wall he would be on you. Simply biding his time as he waited for his prey to move. With the power out you were left to his mercy, the door would not open unless he were to move it. There was no longer a carnal beat pulsing between your legs only the panic surfacing with each breath. You didn’t want him to touch you again. Now that your head was clear and you were swimming in the ache for freedom; freedom from him, the First Order, and for the life you were denied just days ago.

_Do I have to fuck the treachery out of you?_

Of all people to be hunted by it just had to be a Force user, you swallowed thickly. You began to inch away from the wall, aiming for the door that you knew would not open for you. But if it meant the mercy of a few feet from him it would be worth it. The bed dipped as he followed your movement as if teasing the idea of your escape. You were at the edge of the bed when he reached out for you, fingers threading around your ankle and wrenching you back towards him. A whimper forming in the back of your throat as he hooked his arms around your thighs, he was no longer on the bed but kneeling on the ground, the heat of his breath teasing between your spread legs.

His lips graze against your inner thigh and you were already squirming, whether it was away or towards him you were not entirely sure. Your arousal already budding anew. _Don’t you dare cave to him_. The warning felt more like a plead of desperation. “No, don’t,” your voice betrayed you with the huff of a moan that followed. His tongue dipping between your lips to flick at the swell of your clit. It’s too late, you’ve already lost to the sensation; rolling your hips against his lips.

Ren’s grip tightened as he bit hard into the inside of your thigh causing a strangled scream to resound around the room. That was a warning, the next time he’ll break skin. You’re quivering with need as he suckles on your labia, brushing along the curve of your lower lips but never returning to dip back towards your clit – you’ve lost that privilege for now. The heady thought of _don’t cave_ swiftly becomes _don’t resist_. You’re ashamed by the sudden weakness.

Sweat beads at your brow, eyes welded shut despite the lingering dark beyond them. Wishing he would stop teasing you. Perhaps even wishing the lips on your skin did not belong to him. Quickly erasing the thought, hoping he did not over hear it. Alexa was not something you wanted to present to him; the memory of her belonged where his prying eyes could not reach - no matter how much you craved her mouth pressing into your folds.

He shift your weight; resting your legs over his shoulders and bringing your lower back off of the bed. Your hands scrambling to pull you back enough to gain a sliver of control in this position. They stilled with wrists snapped together behind your back, held by the power of the Force.  His lips returned back to you now that you’d been tamed to his liking. Hungry for the taste of you. No longer dragging out your frustration, the hard strokes of his tongue against your clit making your muscles jolt. Forcing your face into your shoulder as if you could hide your shame.

_Look how you wither for me_

The attention on your nub slipped down to your entrance where his tongue lazily delved inside. Clenching around the muscle as you whined for more. Needing him to fill you with every inch of him. He smirked against your cunt, wrapping his lips tightly around your clit. You tensed waiting for the sensation but his tongue only rest against the nerve bundle. He wanted you to beg, you’re sure of it. He let out a hum, stirring the nerves until you were a blubbering mess beneath his lips. Insistent on having you break he paused knowing your dignity was nearly tattered. “Fuck,” the whine was barely above a whisper, your legs struggling to shift him closer but you might as well be trying to move a TIE fighter using a toothpick. “Fuck Kylo please – I can’t take this anymore,” this slightly louder than before but still not enough to have his lips do more than pucker. You were so frustrated you couldn’t think straight, projecting the thoughts straight to him: _please Lord Ren, please – I need you, please-_

It’s enough for him, his tongue grinding down onto your clit. The pleasure ripping through you, your fingers twitching in earnest beneath you. Head lolling from side to side as your pants became moans. No longer caring who heard as long as he kept touching you. The heat of his mouth tormenting your skin into submission. Each caress had you screaming his name inwardly. The muscles in your groin contracting in on themselves in vain, needing him inside of you.

There’s a snap as your head falls back and you can feel it, if there was light you would see it from his perspective. The way your body clings tightly against his lips, the insistent ping of your pleads throbbing at the forefront of his mind. Your body jolting into his touch as he keeps you flush against him. His nose breathing in the scent of you with each breath, chin and nose slick with your arousal. His own need throbbing as he refuses to tend to it just yet, soon you’d be begging him to take you, to break you until every thought became white noise. He would, he intended to in earnest but he was not done making you bend to his will beneath his tongue.

Even as he let you go, your perspective belonging entirely to you, the connection held on like static. Letting you feel each stroke his tongue made against your clit with his hot breath panting in puffs from the two way exchange. It was overwhelming, you couldn’t last much longer. Feeling his elation inside of you was making you climb towards orgasm. You had to ask or he’d stop. The thoughts jittering in your skull with the excess of information making it hard to focus on words. His presence was crowding your mind. You opened your mouth, the moan taking over the words you had intended to speak. Had to focus – “p-please,” the single word was an agony to get out let alone a full sentence.

He knew what you were thinking, could hear your pleas but he needed them out loud. His thoughts were as loud as your own now. They were drowning out the strands of clarity you were still clutching at like spilled sand. Demanding that you break entirely to his will. You tried to form the words again, your need bubbling insistently in your core. “Can I –“ you shuddered nearly coming undone before you could ask. “Please, I need to cum,” you spluttered in a whine.

With a small huff of a chuckle he flicked at your clit with vigor. Devouring it as your walls stuttered in on themselves. It was too late, you were going to cum. He wasn’t stopping, there was no way to delay it.

Your body lurched in on itself, dragging Ren closer to you as you contracted. The pleasure settling in every nook and cranny, numbing you entirely. He was still stroking you, letting the pleasure ring out as long as possible as you shuddered from the after waves.

He eased you back onto the bed, letting your legs fall loose over the side. Your heavy panting breaking the air between you both. You weren’t sure how much more of this you could handle. There was a parting of a zipper and the ruffle of clothing being tossed to the ground. The heavy weight of his body returning over you, his knees forcing your legs apart. He had undressed from the waist down, the heat of his sweat drenched skin clinging to yours.

The head of his cock was already prodding into you, resting against your slick entrance. You couldn’t remember wanting anything more in your entire existence. You rocked your hips, feeling the slight pressure of him drawing into you. He let out a grunt, hand tangling in your hair, the other grasping into your hip. Surmounting the flimsy control you felt you had with a tug as he rolled up into you. It was a sweet burn as he split you open, allowing you to feel every inch of him.

His hips slammed into you, crashing the headboard of the bed into the wall with each thrust. Hand wrenching your head to the side so that he was allowed free rein of the skin at your collar. Teeth snapping into the skin, sucking and biting it until it bled before moving to another patch. You were blubbering beneath him, lost entirely from a coherent thought. The static of the combined sensation remaining; letting him feel the pain of his bites and letting you feel how tightly you wound around him. Your hands were clawing into the sheets, anything to steady the feral need pooling in your core.

The hand in your hair unlatched itself and curled tightly around your throat. The pressure making your cunt seize tight around him. You choked for breath, eyes fluttering to the back of your head. His cock knocking painfully back into your cervix with each thrust. He was grunting loudly now, the slap of skin on skin reverberating the room. His grip tightened until there was no longer air to breathe. The beat of your pulse echoing in your skull, fingernails piercing your palms as he suffocated you.

You were drifting towards unconsciousness. Body twitching desperately for air. Still your pussy clenched for him, arousal drooling into the sheets. It was an eternity spanned into a minute as he wrenched out from you, fingers uncurling from your flesh as you felt the hot jets of cum spurt onto your stomach.

He left you lying there, covered in his cum. The heavy steel of the door opening only with his influence on the Force and then you were alone, his presence still bloating the room. You waited counting your breaths, afraid to move or to think so much as a thought that he might be able to latch on to. The currants of his touch were still skittering across your skin. Something about this time had been different. Not just on a physical level but whatever it was you would bury it deep where it could not be touched. Somewhere that the Knight of Ren could not glimpse it from the surface because whatever the hell it was had been a dangerous sensation. Alarm bells were sounding at the base of your skull. As long as he had you in his sights you would always be in danger.

The backup generator had finally been fixed and the faint hum of the door locks clicked into place. A faint rim of red light strips would light the hallways until the broken bulbs were replaced. You strained to reach your datapad that was resting on the night stand from your position. Clasping it tightly against you a moment before you used it to illuminate the floor. Avoiding the glass from the burst bulbs you made your way to the refresher. Carefully stepping into the spray of the shower and ridding your body of everything but the marks Ren had left.

You sat down near the drain allowing the water to suffocate the sounds of your raspy breath. Emotion coursing through you in a torrent; would you even have the strength to commit to tomorrow’s tasks? _Stop over thinking_ , you were stuck with Hux’s demands whether you disagreed with them or not. Either way if Ren once again caught you in the act of tinkering with his shuttle your fate would be sealed.

The spray of the water was now cold and you sat shivering unable to find the will to move. You could stay right here letting the water numb your skin until they came for you. Refuse your orders from Hux and have them take you to reconditioning; forget everything and start over. Forget Alexa, forget the inner turmoil of doing the right thing  versus staying alive, and forget how Kylo Ren made your flesh bend to his will – and how you loved it. Take the easy route for once in your life.

_You are meant for greater things child_

A shiver clawed its’ way up your spine. That voice – you had never heard something like it before. A tendril of fear was surfacing from your breast. You were hearing voices now and not just the projection of Ren, this had felt entirely different. This voice was for you alone.

You tried to convince yourself you were just exhausted. That whatever it had been was simply a figment of your imagination – perhaps your subconscious trying to tell you what you really wanted to hear. Either way you were up and out of the shower in a heartbeat. Ignoring the plea to call a service droid to replace the lights so that you could sleep with them all on, you hurriedly dried off and stowed yourself in the safety of your covers. You were being ridiculous.  The one thing that could hurt you on this base _had already been here_.

 

It had been a fitful sleep that you were gladly awoken with the shrill chime of the alarm on your datapad. You snatched at it, dispelling the alarm and adding one more item to the list of requirements for your assignment. Every part of your body was aching and you were slow to dress. For now, until your nerves settled and the task was complete, you would skip meals for you felt you truly could not keep anything down. Not after last night. Not after the task at hand.

Mitaka promptly appeared an hour later with your supplies. You had expected a droid not the lieutenant himself. No words passed between you both as he passed you your supplies before slipping soundlessly down the hall. Now you had all but to wait with your bags for the hour to pass. Once Ren was distracted by Hux you would be able to complete your objective or try and possibly fail.

You were not one to wait in peace and so, with thoughts a blaze you made your way to the hangers. If anyone saw you here there would be questions but as luck would have it the command shuttle was devoid of activity. Perhaps you would remain lucky until this suicidal mission was completed. Dumping your supplies beneath the control panel you settled down in the pilot’s seat. Mind lingering briefly to your time spent bent over the console. _Stop, Ren can hear you_. Your thoughts returned to your datapad, scrolling down through the reports that had piled in your absence aboard the _Finalizer_. A mess of requests would be waiting for you when you returned.

0600, you double checked the time before you reached down for your supplies. Starting to inwardly chant the mantra of: _in and out, get the bare minimum and get out_ ; how far that would get you time would only tell. Your hands were shaking as you set your datapad to the side and hooked the vibropick to your side. Intent that you would drill open the main server and use your datapad to sift through diagnostics.

_Hide your supplies and sit in the pilot’s seat_

The same stark voice except softer, more like it was being disguised as a thought of your own. You did not question it. Throwing your supplies back into the bags and moving to stow them in the storage beneath the rows of seats mounted to the far walls. You already heard footsteps as you settled back into the pilot’s seat, adjusting your datapad in your lap. Your datapad vibrated in your hold, a new command from General Hux; _abort mission immediately_. Dread was settling swiftly above you like smog. Closing your eyes tightly and dispelling your thoughts as the footsteps neared.

“Prepare us for departure,” the cold of Ren’s voice nipping back at the bruised and bloodied skin as it rose goosebumps onto the back of your neck. He hovered behind you, a shadow sinking into the wall as you followed his demand. Allowing yourself no gale to aid to a thought beyond his request. In moments the shuttle was humming in wait beneath your fingertips. You had never flown something of this calibre and your fingers were trembling on the controls. “You are in no condition to fly,” he stated harshly and you nodded, lifting yourself from the pilot’s seat and settling in the co-pilots instead.

Ren took to the pilot’s seat, finishing what little remained for departure. Barking clearance procedures to the command centre. You watched him half detached, mind a whirl. Focusing hard on the trees shrinking in size as you soared up to the horizon. The _Finalizer_ was a shorty journey from here and you both rode in silence. You could see the colossal star-destroyer looming in the distance but you were veered in a different direction. You swallowed the need to point out the obviously incorrect trajectory of your course.

It wasn’t until Ren was fiddling with hyperspeed navigation that the fear began to bubble in your chest. You were not returning to the _Finalizer_. He was taking you somewhere else, somewhere distant where the First Order had no presence. You gripped onto the arm rests of your seat, watching him with a dread filled awe. He was taking you to your death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TAKE SIX YEARS TO UPDATE ALL MY FIC I AM SO SORRY!!!  
> It took me a while to figure out the exact direction I was going with this plot. Now that I've finally figured it out I'll be able to update more regularly. Thank you so much to everyone from the kudos and sweet comments. They help boost my morale so much! I wouldn't have to confidence to write without you all supporting me <3


	6. Voices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello it has been ten years, I'm sorry I'm like this! One fic turned into... well, five. This will be wrapped up in one or two chapters. Thank you all for being so patient with me. I really lost drive on this project in search of others as often happens but I refuse to let this fic go unfinished

You could hear the demand before he spoke it. Because it was so predictable, because you were thinking of doing the exact opposite the moment he was out of sight. Most of all because you finally had an opportunity presented to you that you were itching to take. But you were too eager and he could sense it coming off of you in waves. It was dangerous to leave you unattended in the Command Shuttle but he had little other choice. Yet still he spoke through the unnerving rasp of the vocoder, “if your loyalties turn against me you will face your death, you are to remain on this shuttle and not meander near the controls.” There was a twitch at the back of your mind, one you brushed off as the words were spoken to permeate your subconscious. A means to keep you obedient that you had pin pointed as of late, one the knight was unaware you could thwart.

“Yes, Commander,” you replied automatically. Keeping your thoughts calm and suppressed so he would keep to his own mind. It felt as if the control had come to you over night. The ability to sift through your thoughts and press to the rawness of his mind was effortless. How you had gained such foresight was terrifying. First that voice prying into the forefront of your mind and now _this_.

Despite the command he was leading you over to the rows of seats behind the cockpit and shoved you down into one. From his robes he withdrew a pair of stun cuffs; looping one end around your wrist and the other through the durasteel bar beneath your seat. It was a wise decision on his part.

“Y-you’re just going to leave me here?” you called after him, watching his form stalking down towards the open nose of the ship. No reply, that was answer enough. You tugged stubbornly at the cuff, brows knitting together. If an intruder were to raid the ship you’d be left helpless. That wasn’t Ren’s concern, he just needed you to stay put.

You could wrack your brain for hours and still be left with loose ends; why did he take you here? Not entirely sure where here was in the first place. Somewhere in the Yavin system according to the brief glance you’d taken at the navigations. Something about the location was familiar in a sense though you couldn’t quite remember why the outer rim system held a vague memory.

The command shuttle was currently concealed by the jungles you had landed in. Hidden by magnificently enormous Massassi trees overhead, in hiding from… you let your focus wander, you weren’t sure exactly who you were undercover from. If this had been another situation you might have appreciated the brightly swirled nebula orchids patterning throughout the wood. Instead the view was unnerving. Something was going to go horribly wrong you could feel it in your bones.

 

It could have been an hour or three, you couldn’t tell. The light outside of the command shuttle was diminishing. Kylo Ren had not returned. You were growing antsy. You’d sprawled yourself out on the floor, cuddled next to the seats, your wrist raw from trying to unsuccessfully worm your way out of the cuff. No doubt a pitiful sight.

When Ren returned exactly what would become of you? That thought had been what had spurred you to wrench repeatedly on the cuff until it had cut into you oozing blood onto the durasteel. Staring intently at your hand, fingers splayed – you could just as easily cut it off to free yourself. There were medical supplies on the shuttle that you could dispel the bleeding with and surely you could pilot yourself somewhere that could conduct an emergency cybernetic installment. That would be extremely risky, you could pass out from the pain and this _was_ your dominant hand what if you were unable to pilot the shuttle? A cybernetic replacement would cost you more than half of the credits you had to your name. If you went through with such a plan you would be scrounging to live and if Ren were to somehow make it out of here (which you knew he would) he’d be hunting you down.

Biting at your chapped lips you turned to your side, staring at where the other end of the cuff had been secured around the bar. Your eyes shifted to the right where the storage compartment sat, where your tools remained concealed. Your tools. The vibropick had been tossed to the bottom of the bag fully charged. _You fucking idiot the vibropick could cut through durasteel_. Without hesitation you had yanked open the compartment and fished a hand inside the bag for it.

Operating the tool with your non-dominant hand was a trick in itself. To avoid further injuring yourself you decided to separate the link conjoining the two parts of the cuffs. It took less than a minute and you were free. Had the cuffs been of a newer model you’d have been shocked unconscious from damaging them, luckily for you that was not the case. Stowing the vibropick on your side you dug through the bag a second time – pulling out the bacta you had specifically requested along with the long shapely  shaft of the prybar.

There was no voice that coaxed you into abandoning the ship. No real evidence at all that proved it wise that you should. Just an unwavering feeling that it was the right thing to do. And so even though the sun was dimming above the canopy leading into dusk you crept out from the command shuttle. Intent that you would put as much distance between it and yourself. Hoping beyond hope that luck would finally come your way.

You regretted not eating this morning. Stomach growling in protest, you’d have to find food and water. The human body could survive approximately three weeks without food, as long as you had water. Without hydration you’d last three days at best. Even so without either you would grow into a weakened state. There was no way you could risk that, once Ren was aware of your absence (if he wasn’t already) you’d have to pray you could out run him. For now you could deal with the ache.

Progress was slow, the roots from the Massassi trees were thick and difficult to navigate. Your uniform aided to the difficulty, First Order officers’ uniforms were not made for traversing hazardous terrain. Whoever had designed these blasted things had never seen the fronts of ground battle. At least your boots held sturdy unlike the rips and tears that were already dotting your jacket and trousers.

_There_

You spun on your heel to the west. The scream of blaster fire sounding in the distance. Didn’t you want to distance yourself from that? It could be anyone; resistance, first order sympathizers, whoever it was you were alike to a fugitive it would do best not to get mixed up in it.

_Move_

It was so persistent whatever the hell the voice was. But it had aided you before; you didn’t really have time to question its motives. So you headed west, the blaster fire mingling with screams as you drew closer. Calculating that you were now approximately four clicks away from the command shuttle.

A blaster bolt sped past your side embedding into a tree. You crouched down, back pressed up into the bark of the tree you’d taken solace beneath. Unsure of exactly where the fire had originated from. You were close now, close enough to hear the commanding shouts and whir of overhead ships. Wincing up through the canopies you could make out the blur of an x-wing fighter. Why the hell had you been directed towards the rebellion! If there was fighting then the First Order couldn’t be far off, you should have tucked tail and headed in the opposite direction.

“Move the squadron back, if he’s been sighted in the area we have no choice but to retreat,” that voice was too familiar, too surreal. You untucked from your hiding spot, crawling closer until you could see the scene taking place. You’d expected an army for all of the blaster fire. Instead there were two figures swathed entirely in black, faces hidden beneath helmets emerging into a clearing. They could have been bounty hunters but you had seen them before; the Knights of Ren.

These two creatures were not considered your allies. Though they were under the direct order of Kylo Ren they were not tethered to the ordeals of the First Order. You had not been guided here to them, it must be for some other purpose. Their master would not be far behind.

“You’re wasting your fire, retreat immediately, let the x-wings take care of them!” that same voice now panicked. You had to find the source, had to know that it couldn’t possibly be who you thought it was. Peeling yourself from the bush, crawling closer to see the scattered rebels firing at the Knights in their retreat. “He was seen half a click away, we have to **_move_** ,” they were to your left, you’d heard them even through the scream of the x-wing fighters above.

Unable to stop your feet from moving closer, their back was to you. Even if the rebels were meters away, even though the Knights were advancing closer – _you had to know_. Reaching a hand out, fingers nearly grazing their shoulder. The sound of a blaster, close enough to make your ears ring, a shooting pain through your thigh.  You were dropping to the ground as if in slow motion and they turned. The scream caught in your throat, eyes burning, a second shot through your shoulder but you were already down. “Alexa,” your voice was failing, vision hazing – it couldn’t really be her.

The world had stilled, the shouting muted to murmurs. The woman dropped to her knees before you, straddling your lap and wrenching your uniform up by the collar to face her. Her blonde hair spilling from the bun at the back of her head. Fingertips of her free hand grazed over your cheeks, eyes wide and tearing. Lips moving a mile a minute but you couldn’t hear, couldn’t understand. You reached up gripping her wrist, mouth gaping. “Lexy?” your words didn’t feel real to you, none of this felt real to you.

Reality flooded back and you were gripping at your wounded shoulder, hissing in pain beneath her. She was pulling your hand away, keeping you from touching the damaged tissue. “Is it really you?” she was biting her bottom lip, smoothing back your hair from your face. The two of you now oblivious to the war waging around you. You nodded and she gripped onto you, smothering you to her chest. “How – why are you here?”

“You have to go, _now_ , leave me here,” you protested trying to push her away. She held her ground with a scowl. You could sense him, feel his presence nearing. If she did not flee he’d find you both. She’d said so herself to the comlink – he’d only been half a click away. “Alexa, please, I can’t lose you again.”

She was moving from your lap, gently tugging your arm up and over her shoulder. The pain was flaring in your thigh, unable to support yourself on that leg. From across the clearing came the screech of plasma deflecting blaster fire; he was here. Alexa was tugging you away in the opposite direction, through a path that had been made through the roots. “My speeder isn’t far from here,” she puffed, focusing eyes ahead.

“It’s too late,” you whispered, trying to tug your arm free from her shoulder. Willing to face what was to come next alone. The voice you had followed so obediently was silent.

With senses heightened you could feel his rage seeping into his surroundings, coating the very air crimson.  His mind turned primal, hungry for blood shed. Only flits of reality skimming the surface. He had sensed you in the clearing, had felt the snap of your mixed emotions brushing into him. As he approached his path became clear, your blood chilling in your veins.

“Alexa go, now!” you shoved off of her, collapsing to your knees at her side. Rasping weakly from the resonating pain aching in your leg and shoulder.  You had no blaster, no way to slow him. Your eyes trained between the trees searching for the approaching hulk of his figure. She was tugging at your good arm, urging you on to your escape. But there would be no escape. You’d been brought here for this exact reason – you were bait. Alexa was his target.

You shook her off again, abandoning your watch for Ren. Staring her straight in the eye, a hand grazing the side of her face, the durasteel cuff around your swollen wrist bumping into her cheek. “You will leave here without me, run away, and keep hidden,” your voice was shaking, tears stinging your cheeks as her eyes glazed over.  She stood robotically, turning without looking back. Headed in the direction of her speeder at a run. You heaved a sob, curling in on yourself.

Waiting, forever waiting. The final stroke that would take your life would be soon at hand. You squeezed shut your eyes bidding it to hurry. To bring you to a place where you could start over.

A scream came from the direction Alexa had just run and you were struggling back to your feet, determined that you would use your last breath to fend off the would-be sith. You couldn’t make it up off your knees, the pain in your thigh radiating down to the rest of your leg in a sharp resonance. Watching the trees intently for the flash of red that would signal either a blaster shot or the plasma of Ren’s saber. You saw neither and heard nothing but the scuffling of feet. Dread was filling the breath trapped in your throat, making you choke. Not dread, a tendril of something, something that was far too familiar a thing. You gripped at your throat, a useless gesture against the work of the Force.

The Force user had to be nearby. You tried to focus through the tears in your eyes spinning to the side but you could not see your assailant. But you could feel him, the hot burn of his presence closing in on you. By the time Kylo Ren came into view you were blue faced on the ground, your breath huffing the dirt around your lips. He bent over you slowly, lightsaber deactivated in his hand, tipping your chin up to him before the pressure released around your throat and you were gulping in air.

He glanced over his shoulder towards the figures approaching, fingers still biting into your skin. “Bring her to my ship, she is all we need for now,” your eyes widened, fighting the sudden paralysis in your limbs. He was going to leave you here. He was going to take Alexa and god knows what he or the First Order would do to her.

The two knights of Ren started to shuffle past you, dragging between them Alexa who was struggling in earnest to free herself. Her body stilling as she caught the sight of Ren leaned over you. She called out your name, desperately fighting the two knights with little success. They moved past your view and he was jostling your jaw for your attention to return back to him. Whatever lay behind that mask must be sporting a vicious smirk.

“You’ve out grown your use Captain,” he released your jaw, pushing you back into the dirt. Hovering over you, thumb sliding over the pressure plate of his lightsaber and igniting it. The heat radiating from the blade was enough to have you cowering away from him. Alexa’s scream in the background capturing your attention entirely before the blade was hovering beside your cheek.

No voice, no little call of arms to help you escape this. You were completely on your own. “You will not hurt her,” you put as much force behind each word as you could knowing even if you tried to sway him as you had Alexa it would not work. The blade swept to the side. You winced, flinching back as the heat flared around you. The cackling of the saber into the ground had you shuddering, praying for a swift death. When you looked back up his weapon had been deactivated, a thick gouge now marring the ground in front of you.

The static coming from behind his mask could have easily been a laugh. He advanced forward, pressing a foot down onto your chest, pinning you to the ground. The toe of his boot grinding against your clavicle. “Traitors do not deserve to live,” his mask tilted to the side as if considering you before he was leaning enough weight onto his leg that it was threatening to crack the bone beneath it.

The screaming was unbearable, your palms cupping over your ears desperately to silence it. It went on forever, increasing in intensity the more you tried to block it out. Your eyes tearing up as the screeches continued. Soon joined by your own. Mind blurring and sharpening all at once until you weren’t sure what was reality and what was imagined.

Alexa was in pain, immense pain and you shouldn’t have the ability to channel it like this. But you were. The heartache was becoming your own and you didn’t understand. There was no clarity to be picked out of this. She was screaming with everything she had, lungs and throat burning from the effort. She was alone on the Command Shuttle, cuffed to the railing beneath the seat just as you had been – except the vibropick hung uselessly from your hip.

Ren had backed away as if stunned. A cloud of confusion assaulting the fragile hum of his aura. You shouldn’t be able to feel that either.

As she fell silent so did you. Crumpling into a ball on the ground, clutching to the dirt. “ _Ren_ ,” the croak was barely audible. He kneeled by your side, shoving your shoulder to the side so that you were twisted onto your back. Hands fisting into the front of his robes, clawing for the release clasps of his helmet.

_Unmask Kylo Ren_

He shoved you back into the dirt with a growl, wrestling to release his robes from your hold.

_See the monster that lies beneath_

This was the last of your strength. You were wasting it. “ _Ren_ ,” you pleaded letting your grip fall limp as you slumped back to the ground. Defeated. Pathetic.

His robes skimmed over your skin as he drew to his feet. Fists clenching at his sides. The helmet still securely in place. Your eyelashes fluttering against the tops of your cheeks as you struggled to keep your gaze trained on him. The voice repeating itself in its’ cold tone making you shudder; you couldn’t.

He was straying at the edge as if conflicted. The inner turmoil a flood of emotions battering into you. “Don’t leave,” the two words parted your lips in a fierce gasp. The pressure of your lungs becoming too much even to breathe. You were choking  for life. He was killing you, slowly, painfully. Relishing in the darkness this would bring to his soul.

_You are meant for greater things child_

The pressure ended abruptly, Ren’s hand hovering in midair, whole body trembling. You reopened your eyes, struggling to sit up through the waves of nausea and discomfort. “No,” you spat it out slowly despite your ruined vocal cords straining in protest. The hints of reanimation flooding into your lungs. Supporting you, lending what you could not find on your own.

Hand rising, arm extended out in front of you as you forced your focus into a single point. The action immediate this time as Ren dropped to his knees, clutching a single hand around his throat.

_Take what is yours my child_

The power consumed you. Something far greater than adrenaline. You clambered first to your knees, then entirely to your feet. Your wounds paying you no mind as you approached your commander. Resting a hand on his shoulder to steady the both of you. The rasp of his breaths were grating through his vocoder but that would only be temporary. As your fist released he keeled forward, leaning into your thigh giving you amble room to fumble with the clasps at either side of his mask.

With a whoosh of depressurized air the muzzle of the mask drew upward. You were hesitating to move it any further, hands trembling. He was still choking from your hold, the noise far more guttural without the vocoder bouncing it back. Shutting your eyes you wrenched it upwards, flinging it off into the woods to be rid of it. The metal echoing a heavy thwock as it lodged itself at the base of a tree trunk. The invisible hold around his throat ceased.

Your heart rate was fluttering in your veins. You reached a hand forward brushing your palm over flesh and hair. Mapping out each feature with touch alone; plump lips, elongated nose, cutting jaw. The face of a man. But surely there was still a monster that the touch of these features alone could not show.

You cracked both eyes, avoiding looking at him head on. Your fingertips still running slow strokes along his jaw where the leather of his neck seal met it.

Taking in each detail with growing anxiety. Pale skin dotted with moles here and there. Prominent cutting features that marked him as human, as just a man. And eyes that met as so much more. This was not the face of a monster.

You dropped to your knees, clutching  your palm against his cheek. A bubble forming in your chest that you were choking on. Your hand quivering against the soft skin. _Not a monster; just a man_. You’d been so wrong.

“I know you,” the sob released in a whisper. Your hand dropping from the side of his face. He stared back at you blankly.

Surely he could feel the static of recognition just as you could.  It wasn’t something that could be ignored.

_Ben_

You flinched back as he stood. Watching his brow furrow, his arm raised to call his mask back to his side.  His feedback radiating a rapidly growing fury – that name, _his_ name, a symbol he had long sought to destroy along with himself. That person no longer existed.

The strength had abandoned you, even as you pleaded for its return; needing it now more than ever.

He loomed over you. Careful to keep eye contact until his mask was returned back into place.  Ren moved closer with purpose in each step. Roughly he cupped your jaw, digging each finger into your flesh until you were wincing up at him.

_You’re going to pay dearly_

His free hand held to your temple – your world went black.


End file.
